Well regardless of whether anyone wants to stick this out with me, I'm done with all of it. Like I posted, last night I had a light bulb moment - I finally understood and played back in my mind all the times I've been an emotional reactor. I kinda of came to terms with what I was doing. If anyone is too busy to help me, I totally understand. It's my own fault for not listening before when the help was offered.
I decided to set a short term goal today. I'm going to pretty much go dark until my next counseling appt. on 9/14. I will not contact H unless it has something to do with our schedule/DD. No more suggesting, no more guilt trips, no more talk, no more bad attitude and cruel remarks - nothing. I'm going to try to pour myself into prayer, church, DD's preschool, work, exercise and helping with bake sales for pediatric cancer. In my mind, I'm telling myself we are already divorced and I have no right/need to contact him.
My biggest hurdle is going to be tonight. We have back to school night at DD's preschool and since this involves her, we are going together as a family. The ONLY reason we are doing it together is for her. She is starting school for the first time and we want to work together to get her off to a good start.
That's all I got. I'm sorry if I've failed to follow the advice I've been given. Maybe if I would have listened I wouldn't be facing this today. Again, no excuses, I own it. I take responsibility for letting my emotions control me and instead of me controlling them.
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
Thank you, VH. I was feeling quite defeated tonight and your post made me feel a little better. I'm in a funk about all this stuff I seem to be doing wrong. Kinda like, am I ever going to get a break? Am I ever going to do it right?
It didn't help that H was like a blog of nothing at preschool tonight. He's so checked out and I feel beaten up. Know how sometimes you just don't know why you are fighting?
I have a special trip for DD and I tomorrow. We're going to the botancial gardens and she's going to look for turtles. I hope it clears my mind a little bit. I hate feeling this way, it's just not me.
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
Courts I'm in the same boat. And also since '08. My "H" denies any OW yet has changed all passwords and has locked his phone. He moved out in March and it was back to square one for me. Except this time I'm pregnant. He's been turning to alcohol and teenage behavior and I'm beginning to get sick of it. Now he's suddenly Into wanting a huge tattoo on his back which he said he'd never do bc he's into bodybuilding. Now look. Anyway, you're not alone. Some days I want to begin from scratch and try to save my M and other days I wan to throw in the towel. I understand your pain and confusion.
M:28 H:30 DD-9| DD-7| Baby- Due 11/10 T-14 | M-8
10/08- Bomb 4/09- Failed attempt at Marriage Fitness Program 3/10- WH moved out. 7/10- Informed me he's filing in Aug
2gtherbutapart, Thanks for your post. I'm so sorry you are in the same boat. Since 2008, huh? My heart breaks for you. My H denied his affair until April of this year. I have no idea why he finally decided to admit it bc he continued to live with her - without me having an idea.
My H has been turning to alcohol as well. It's really pathetic. He comes here to spend time with DD and brings beer with him. Maybe it's the only way we can live with himself. IDK.
I can absolutely relate to wanting to be done and then still wanting to save the marriage - it's emotional tortue. I'm really sick of allowing this to suck the life out of me.
IDK what kind of advice to offer, bc I sit in a constant state of confusion, but as a former cheerleader and cheer coach, I can offer much support! I hope it helps knowing that my heart goes out to you and your daughters. Since you are pregnant, please make sure that you take care of yourself. I hope you are able to rest and get some relaxation as well. Hugs and hope to you.
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
Okay, I know most of you have given up on me. But, I had to post this. I have not contacted H all day and he just sent me the following texts.
"What's for supper?" and "I wanna tailgate."
Now WTF? I guess this is another reason I was constantly berating him - it's like he doesn't get it. Now why would he be asking me what's for supper and telling me he wants to tailgate. As if I care. He picked her, he can share that info with her and eat her food.
This is crazy.
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Coach, Is that better than just ignoring? Cause it's been like 20 mintues. I haven't responded and he just texted, "HELLO."
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
