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I don't think low self esteem purposely hurts other people whereas narcissism definitely does.

Beating yourself up will not improve your self esteem. Getting a life (GAL) will do that.

What did your W see in you while you were 285 lbs.?

This is a harsh question, but fair at this point.


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I brought this over.

Originally Posted By: pookie69
Hfd,

I don't want to hijack here but

Quote:
The second step is developing a friendship with her so all of my emails have been positive in control and a dash of humor with 2 of them to show a little confidence. Or as Coach likes to call it catnip.


I think Coach has slightly different definition for catnip.

What are you telling her in your e-mails?

Are you telling her how much fun you had in town with the boys?

Or you went to see a game or a concert? Gambling in Mohegan?

You need to GAL and then she would start wondering. That's catnip.


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And this too.
Originally Posted By: hurtinhartford
pookie,

1st email was telling her that I was okay with her leaving and that I saw it coming and agreed that we needed time alone.

2nd email I told her that as much as I wanted our M to work that she was right that it will not and so I let her go. I also told her that I was not angry with her, but angry at myself for giving her reasons to leave and not enough Love, Security and Respect to stay.
3rd email was to forward a message to her about her Dr's appointment.

4th email was a simple Hi, I hope your orientation is going well.

5th email was to reascend the 2nd email. That I was frustrated and wanted our M to work and realized that she may not be at that point and I understood that, but that I was where I am.

6th email was the open invitation to have a coffee or diet coke and again I told her that I realize that she may not be ready to meet, but that was an open invite. (I know pushing).

7th email was to respond to her mail request yesterday.

pookie I am not playing games. I am following the advice of the vets and reading and learning everyday. I made this mess I at least want to try and clean it up.


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pookie

Hijack all you want. I am new and I absorbing as much as I can. I am sometimes a slow learner, but I get it eventually.

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Well I was not 285 when I met her. The weight skyrocketed when my international travel increased. What she saw when we met was a confident, cool and collected guy that supports a large international conglomerate.

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Quote:
pookie I am not playing games. I am following the advice of the vets and reading and learning everyday. I made this mess I at least want to try and clean it up.


I am not saying at all that you are playing games.

1st email - Validation of her feelings.

2nd email - Unnecessary. She had her mind set already.

3rd email - Respectful.

4th email - Pushy.

5th email - Pursuing.

6th email - Back to pushing.

7th email - Good. Agreeing with her request.

I don't know much about infidelity and what that does to people in both sides. That's for the vets.

I'm just saying that when you GAL and start doing things for yourself you will become more attractive. That's the catnip Coach is talking about.


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Originally Posted By: hurtinhartford
Well I was not 285 when I met her. The weight skyrocketed when my international travel increased. What she saw when we met was a confident, cool and collected guy that supports a large international conglomerate.


So what did she see in you besides what you listed? Cool guy with interesting travels, money, comfort, security?

Is she a foreigner by any chance?


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Thanks pookie!

Because of the communication barrier my W set I am not sure what avenues to take or what I should say in my emails. I need to keep some form of communication or we will be dark and that is not good...W could not see Catnip unless I put it out on a lighthouse with a 1000 luminous bulb.

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No not a foreigner. I made her laugh and she enjoyed my company...

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Quote:
You are right about GAL and catnip. I am working out in a gym, but the problem is it is mostly solo workouts. I need socialization and not dating or as Coach says cougar bars. I don't want to add to the complexity of the sitch. I thought about acting class...who know it is outside my comfort zone, but maybe that is what I need.


Before I make fun of the acting class wink I have to ask what your W's interests are.


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