I am new here as well and I need to reread your thread. I have been busy working on my own issues. But I saw your request for help. What I can recommend is to first do a lot of reflection/soul searching and asked yourself why the A happened? Be honest with yourself. My A happened due to low self-esteem, but in all honesty I was it was probably more narcissistic behavior than I care to admit.
That was the first thing I did when my W left me. Have you sought IC because you need someone you can help you see objectively. Don't settle on just any IC do a little investigation and interview them.
Did you read DB/DR? Do that and begin to id your goals (attainable) and develop a plan to achieve them. What I have learned reading and being coached by some of the best on this site is follow the phases of reconciliation (look at my thread and read what Coach wrote me.
My path is more difficult because my W will not communicate with me. I thought of LRT, but that would just conform to my W's goals (I don't know what they are, but at this stage no comm = D). So I am working on getting rid of my W's negative feelings by emailing with items that are relevant to her. This is a juggling act for me because I don't want to email her too frequently so as not to push.
The second step is developing a friendship with her so all of my emails have been positive in control and a dash of humor with 2 of them to show a little confidence. Or as Coach likes to call it catnip.
