Dear friends, it is now 5 years since my dear husband descended into full blown MLC madness. I found this wonderful forum and posted regularly (under another name) for a couple of years. I made a number of very good friends during that time, and received invaluable advice and support. Then I needed to move on, as it was fairly clear that his crisis wasn't going to end any time soon.
My husband was, and largely remains, one of the very mean ones. We have both had cancer during this time, his much more serious than mine. I thought that it might reconcile us but sadly it didn't. Periodically he seems to wake up and regret what he has lost, but it never lasts more than about three weeks before he slides back into Mr Crazy. Early this year he spent about a week phoning me daily to say how sorry he was, and then a couple of days later resumed divorce proceedings with a vengeance! My lawyer says he is the most confused person she has ever dealt with.
I was rereading Snodderley's wonderful thread recently on Thoughts on why they run. They are unhappy and in pain. And we absolutely have to get on with our lives. I continue to love my husband, and he still knows it, and still takes any opportunity to hurt me. So there is little contact between us. He complains about this at times, and says he would not have cut me out of his life the way I have done to him! Of course this is not true, as he stayed away from me for a couple of years But their reality is not ours. And we cannot and should not try to enter into theirs.
I have made many mistakes in handling all this, but one thing I am fairly sure about - it is nothing whatsoever to do with us, and really there is little we can do to help them. Almost any action will be wilfully misinterpreted. They love us and hate us at the same time, like an angry toddler. I sometimes think the MORE they loved us the more they suffer.
MLC is the saddest and most painful thing that most of us encounter - it puts two bouts of cancer into the shade. But, we grow up and mature.
I would very much like my husband to wake up fully. He has lost 5 years of seeing his fantastic sons grow up, and his behaviour has wholly estranged them. Whether or not we could ever be more than friends at this distance of time, I very much doubt, but that would be good.
Some of them make it through, and others do not. Don't give up hope, but don't hope too much. As Snodderley says -Trust the man upstairs.
I did not post this to be depressing. The fact that you have found this forum and are reading this means that you have the resources to be OK.
