Not sure where to start or end, WAW - #2

[john28]

My previous thread was over 90 pages so I thought I should start a new one. Previous thread is here: http://tinyurl.com/2fwhop7

Hello,
My name is John. I'm not detached from my wife. I have manipulation and control issues. I'm in probably one of the best sitch for a WAW, but unfortunately I'm one of the worst DB in history. Nice to meet you.

-John


Cliff notes of my sitch

Feb 2006 - Married.

Feb 2007 - Discovered online EA that W was having that had been going on for about 1 month with OM 800 miles away. Found evidence of ILY said to OM, bad pictures, phone calls. Fully blown EA exposed and she admitted guilt. Said she would stop. Found out 2 weeks later it was still on, she stopped. Agreed to transparency. Sent NC letter. She attributed to being 20 years old, 1000 miles away from any friends and family, alone, and depressed SAHM with 1 year old baby.

2007-2010 - Moved the family to another area closer to her family within a day's driving distance. Good M in general, blow ups every 6 months or so. She threatened D probably twice in this timeframe, but always said that she didn't mean it, was depressed, low self asteem, but she knew that D wasn't an option.

Feb-March 2010 - Best my M has ever been. Heard the words from W, "This is the best our M has ever been." Attributed to the fact she finally got out of the house and started going back to school after being a SAHM for 4 years. Our sx life exploded, everything was awesome.

5/21/10 - Discover EA that W is having with a college guy who is 21 years old. Going on for approximately 6 weeks at that time from my best guesses. Exposed EA and W said she would stop.

6/4/10 - Discovered EA still going on with OM and W. Confronted her again and she agreed to stop. W committed 100% to working on the M, showed great remorse.

6/20/10 - Father's Day, bomb day. W asked for a D. Said that she was tired of us and couldn't try anymore. She was done. She agreed to stay in our home and work on the M and go to MC at least until S4's birthday on 7/23/10

June-July 2010 - Found evidence of several other past online EA's that occurred in the May 2010 timeframe and confronted, she admitted guilt. Said they were all going on at the same time.

7/10/10 - Bad at DB. Lots of backslides. Discovered EA still going on with OM. W admitted to it and FINALLY stopped. Wrote NC letter, last date of any contact.

7/15/10 - I finally confront my issues with Adult ADD, having previously been on meds as a child until 15 years old. Was diagnosed as a child and find that it has wreaked havoc on my M. W does not understand the issue, but sees the symptoms of it and how it contributed to our M problems.

7/25/10 - Moveout day came and went, she didn't move. Continued with a few bad MC, then found a good one in early August. Went to 2 sessions in August

8/20/10 - W says she has made a decision and wants out of M. Does not want to try anymore at all, is completely done. She has been in the house for 2 months trying. W agrees to see MC before she moves out in 1 week.

8/21/10 - Come home with S4 from outing to find the car packed. Blindsided with move out, dramatic and catastrophic exit with W and S4.

8/22/10 - W asks to come home out of fear. I set boundary that she will not come back home unless she stops D talk and commits to working on M and go to MC. She says she can not do that because she doesn't trust I will change.

8/22 - 9/3 - Tons of backslides, asking W to come home, asking her to work on M, depression, anxiety, lots of stress between us. Then I start working on myself. Discover I'm manipulative and controlling. Introspective search. Go dark for 3 days, W goes crazy and doesn't want to lose a friend, I backslide again and come out of the dark.

9/2/10 - First consultative mediation appointment. Absolute disaster. I ask no questions during meeting. I ask only "How much is this going to cost" for all the paths we can take. We can not afford any of them and W knows it.

9/3/10 - W and I agree no R talk for 1 week until Retrouvialle which she agreed to go to learn how to "communicate better". Not necessarily to work on the M.

9/3/10 - Retrouvialle upcoming on 9/10. For the first time W says, "In a perfect world we would be together and happy." and "I have a small bit of hope." W says that she can not come home because she can not trust the changes that I will/have started. She does not see enough evidence to begin working on the M again, and is proceeding down the D route.

Staying gray until Retrouvialle.