WAH help please

[NotCrackingUp]

Oxymoron,
I feel very sorry for you, all the hurt of thinking about him with someone else and having your mum ill at the same time.It's surely too much to bear.
My H has left. He had an afair, "ended" it (?), decided to stay and work through it, then 2 months later, moved to the spare room and has recently moved out.He swears it's to be "alone", to have space and time, to be "free". Says he doesn't desire me anymore and feels no love etc.

I am fairly certain that the OW is out there motivating him. He doesn't want to make anything official, but his life has become "secret" apart from visits to see the children.

When I did spy on him - we're only human, things I found only made me feel worse about him (the extent of lies from an erstwhile honest, open man, the sexiness they shared when he could have had the same and more with me, but he'd stopped "seeing" me...)and worse about me ( how could I stoop so low as to spy, how she's 9 years my junior, petite, firm, sexy, how I've been marked by life and children...).

It made me wallow in self-destructive thoughts of jealousy and only added to the pain of his leaving and turning away from me as a woman.I could head off into town right now and stand in the shadows under his windows - or hers, they've got flats 2 streets from each other-and wait until I cought them red-handed. What earthly good would it do? I'd feel so upset, so crushed and it wouldn't make any difference to the way he feelsat the moment, only worsen it.Better keep my distance and self respect.

So I've decided to detach my mind from them. I still love him passionately, but I'm not unique, and I can't control his feelings for SO else.I do still think about it, but try to "thought stop" and concentrate on what I have to offer, on what he shared with me over the years.I've told him that I understand he needs space.I don't contact unless about children.I could still have access to his e-mail but I don't go there. That makes me feel a better person.And she's surely not worth all the turmoil and sacrifices he's making (children, finances, our relationship of 18 years) for her.She gave him novelty, admiration and a sense of seduction when I was too taken up with work. I tell myself that all that will wear thin, and that he might miss our complicity and friendship.Might.Is this "2b"?

In the meanwhile, I feel better not spying and raging with useless jealousy. You can do it, it's a decision.It'll free you up to take care of your mum.Why don't you tell him about your mum's illness first in an e-mail, so you won't cry in front of him? I don't know, it's just an idea.
Anyway, take care.
NotCrackingUp