How To Tell The Kids

[Ready2Change]

Ok, since I am out of the house now and moving on, I have a couple of questions about how to handle different situations that I get in with W.

I'll give my 2 cents.

She called me the first night that I had the kids and asked how things were going. I said fine, the kids had fun. She wanted to talk to them about their first day of school and I said ok, but D is already in bed. W says, yeah, she didn't sleep much last night. I don't know if she was nervous about school or about staying over at your house or what (D was fine at my house). She also said that she was very tired too and that she hadn't slept hardly at all the previous night.

All the she's confuses me. I can make assumptions (and try to read from context) ie W said D was very tired or W said "I hardly slept last night"....Dbing for me also includes clearer communications.

I didn't say much, but should I have talked with her about it, asking why and trying to delve in like I cared?

There is a fine line. You want change your behavior and draw W back in a non needy way. It is important to project that you are confident, happy, etc with or without her. Listening and validating are good, because you did not do that during the M.

When she mentioned being stressed out a while back, I asked her why she was so stressed and she just shot back an angry "Isn't it obvious?" I'm not exactly sure how to handle this. My gut tells me that maybe I should have engaged her in a conversation, but I am always wrong about these things, so.....

This is where communication skills as well as body language, tone understanding etc help out a lot....A woman tells me she is fine, but I NOW KNOW SHE IS NOT.....my response is "Really, you look (sound) upset.." then I wait and listen.....

"I will pack a suitcase for the kids and have their blankies, DS, I-pod, etc in the front foyer. I told them they could come and get the stuff after school tomorrow. I am furloughed Friday and am going to a work picnic sometime in the afternoon. I may not be home at that time."[

At this stage, fine. I would suggest that you take the kids clothes shopping some time soon...Have fun

Being a good DBer, I didn't respond right away.

perfect!

Then I forgot about it and didn't respond at all. Does this kind of note require any sort of reply?

No response needed. A thank you from the kids may be in order when you lick it up. Focus on teaching the kids. Role model adult behavior.

Do I just wait for her to start asking about the R or what?

YES

I don't know what to expect.

Work on you. Get prepared.

I think I am supposed to treat her just like any other friend now, right?

You treat her like the mother of your children. You treat her like a cat. Treat her like a teenager that broke the rules. Let natural consequences happen. Be the most attractive guy she knows (lots of work to be done to get to that point). We have time to work on that.

I'm confused as to what to expect next and how to handle her when we do talk.

Listen, validate, and "I need time to think about that" works well. Remember every detail she says and post it here for help....

Any advice would be appreciated.

Read as much as you can during this phase...Check out the books I list in my thread....