I need advice from the board. TIA

[Troy999]

Married 19 years
Me=43 year old husband
She=40 year old Wife
Two kids 13 yo daughter 10 yo old son.

7/25/10 she dropped the bomb. Said she had given up on our marriage 2 years ago when she asked me to get help for what she thought was depression and I blew her off. Our first 14 years were great. Then 5 years ago I started my own company (left a good stable job). Suddenly I went from employee to employer and the walls started closing in. The first year of my new business was pretty good but she did finally get a part time job to help with the finances and that is when things started to change. She resented me for not making enough money so she could stay home. We both are guilty of throwing all of our energy into our kids and not taking time for ourselves. So the past 5 years were rocky-not all bad but not the same as the first 14 years when we shared a lot more. My company has been a constant struggle and I internalized all my struggles and shut her out. She said when she dropped the bomb that she hated having to find out about my business successes and failures from my friends. I always told her it was a struggle and I was working to try and make it successful. I did share the successes with her-they were just few and far between. Fast forward to this May and I started having some serious financial difficulties. Missed a month of paying the mortgage and american express cut me off until I paid them off. She had an amex card too that I always paid each month without question to what she spent and they cut that one off as well. I went further in the shell and she went from being indifferent to me to being very very cold. I knew that it was bad but I always thought she would give me one last chance to make it right. After she dropped the bomb I did all the wrong things. I stayed up for two days straight and wrote her long letters about how our lives had changed and how I wanted to make changes to keep our marriage. I took all the blame and I do think I was to blame for getting into this position. There are no affairs. She just does not want to be married to my any longer. We cannot afford for either one of us to move out. I would not move out even if I could but I think she would if she had any money. I have read Dr. Phil's book Relationship Rescue and Gary Smalley Winning your Wife Back. Both are pretty consistent in their approach and I have made big changes in the past 5 weeks. I started talking the kids to church by myself-she has turned her back on church. I have never been a spiritual person but I have found God to be a great source of hope for me in trying to save this marriage. Just when I think I am making small steps in trying to reconnect with her she flies off the handle and give me the "Its too late-you blew it speech" in a very angry tone. She wants me to leave her alone and we do not communicate much at all. I send her texts and write her little notes and they do seem to soften her stance for a day or two and then its back to the I want out of this marriage speech. We both work full time now and have kids activities every weeknight. I usually get home around 8 and she talks to my son and me for a few minutes and then goes and takes a shower and goes to bed. In the mornings we say good morning and goodbye before we are out the door to take the kids to school. No real chance to communicate there. I have good days and bad days trying to save this marriage. I waiver back and forth with how much of this is my fault vs how much is this her having a mlc? She has always had self esteem issues and is a very moody person. I am pretty laid back and try to make the best of bad situations. I finally have let her know that I cannot do that any longer. I have to own the bad situations and change them or get out of them and I think that statement did help. It has been 5 weeks and I have gone from doing no household chores to doing all the household chores, cooking dinner 3 or 4 times a week, picking up kids from school and church and sports. I have done all those projects around the house that did not get done when I was in my fog. I have let her know that I am fighting for this marriage and I will not give in. She take offense at that statement saying that I am not being respectful of her feelings. What else can I do? Nothing seems to have worked to this point although it has not gotten worse. She has not talked to an attorney and I have not either.We have not told the kids either and we still share a bed. Her parents have both told her she is making a huge mistake and she thinks they are ganging up on her and taking my side. Thanks. I can give more details but this is long enough for now. I just want some feedback. The kicked in the stomach feeling is getting very old.