I feel selfish right now, and I think that is only natural.
Looking out for yourself is selfish? Then you worry about your wife's feelings when she ran off with the kids, you send her money and you apologise for wanting to see them? It's not natural it's co-dependent.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
