I am trying to work on an agreement with her now, I do not accept the seeing the kids outside of my current schedule, on a "flexible...here and there" basis - as she proposed in her email back to me.
I want an arrangement with some more stability.
I have decided (10 mins ago while I took a little drive on my lunch) that I will no longer be apologizing to her as I request more time with my kids. By doing that, I am worrying too much about "her" emotions - it hurts me to think about taking that approach, because I do care about her...her feelings DO mean something to me. But at the same time, this is a whole new sitch - we are separated. She can use my caringness against me. She doesn't show it towards me (her care...if she has any), and I cannot expect that. So why give it to her...it doesn't get me or us...anywhere.
I feel selfish right now, and I think that is only natural. But being strong...is taking that feeling with a grain of salt. I observe the feeling...then I let it go.
