Glad you could control yourself. Lots of times I can't. Like when she was leaving when I was moving out and I told her to "Have a happy life!"
On the refi, my mortgage broker told me that there is a government program where you can refi your current loan amount without having to get an appraisal done. I may be looking further into that myself in the near future. The problem without that kind of a program is many houses aren't appraising high enough to even refinance anymore. It's just disgusting. Really bad timing.
My W doesn't have a plan or clue either. She has no idea what I will have to pay her, no idea about how/where she is going to live. When I told her that I was just worried about us not getting into a desperate financial situation she just said she isn't as worried about it as me. She watched her mom go through lots of hardship over the last 24 years without her father and just assumes it will all work out somehow and she will survive. How naieve is that?
When my W said she wanted to stay together until the D was final because we couldn't afford to live separately, I suggested maybe we live together until the hose sold, even if that was after the D was final. She said there was no way she was doing that. Additionally, I told her that if she didn't want to work on the R, I didn't want to waste any more time living with her. In fact, she stressed herself out so bad that she couldn't even live with her first suggestion, so we are now living separately, even though we can't afford it.
No rescuing. Keep moving forward to get this resolved. When she sees the reality, it may shock some sense into her.
