Hi everyone!! Took some time off to try to get my head together. Seems it worked out well. Thank you all for your prayers and support.
Yesterday was actually one of the best days I've had. Although the day started poorly, it very quickly improved and kept getting better.
The status update by W was what it was. Who knows. Must have meant somethng to her but ......I'm not guessing. If she had some intention toward me, she knows how to contact me.
The text and call were both legitimate D2 issues. The dayhome has an illness so W kept D all day. Took the day off. I informed her I was on the road but would take her Friday am so she could go to work.
It meant I had to see W this morning but I was fine about it.
I had no other contact from her all day.
So, why did I fel so good all day? Well, I was listening to NMMNG in the treuck and recording my personal notes as I went. Noticed MORE stuff again. Felt empowering.
Then, the BIG exchange with a friend of mine who knows the sitch. He asked how I was doing 'today'. Then he asked 'where we were in the process'. I told him some the taxes were progressing and the truck was gonna be next but no progress on the D as I'm letting her carry the ball so that she has to experience all the crap it will take.
He asked why? I said because if I do it then she gets off easy. Just shows up and signs paper without the 'consequence' of what she wants.
Over the next hour or so, we arrived at this: (Ready for some irony?)
I need to take the lead in this but without DOING it all.
I have a right as D2's father to know where she is living. Need an address. Need to know if this is a permanent residence or another temporary 'living space'
Where is OM? Right to know if D2 is still exposed to this.
Next, clarify that we are in agreement on the course we are on toward D.
Lay out what we have accomplished so far and get agrrement in writing that custody and the household financing arrangements are satisfactory. Get agreement that any personal debt accrued since June 1 (other that exceptions TBD on personal expenses e.g I will not pay A expenses)are personal debts outside the D agreement.
Get agreement on the next steps. And I lay them out. Taxes; then truck repair then truck liquidation.
She needs to take her personal possessions by a certain date as well.
SET AND GET AGREEMENT on a timeline for such. State the END GOAL is Sep Agreement by Dec 15 so either of us can submit for D by Jan 2 and move on with our lives in 2011.
Set consequences for missing deadlines (e.g financial penalty?)
Then follow up on a regular basis to insure she is progressing toward the intermediate deadlines.
House and furnishings will be last as we have to mutually decide the right time to sell.
When everything BUT the house is done and agreed (saves L fees), then we take to L/mediator and I drop the house equity bomb.
The points to all this, and I agree, are: -I know the status of the A -I know the living conditions of D2 -I have a moving forward timeline -ACTION -she will be committed to act/commit to same -she will feel the pressure -she will experience the D process -stops her last bit of cake eating Her stuff is still here Only has light stuff with her-easy to run again. She still has this house as fall back position She still has ME as fallback position Is she cake eating in new living arrangement or REAL? -forces her to plan the future/see the future No more day to day 'fun/escape' -forces her to COMMIT to future Living arrangement Budget OM Divorce CD is free, too
So, Wonka, at the same time you suggest it's time to move from defensive to shock and awe, I come to the same conclusion.
