Me: We can mutually agree on a way for me to see the kids more often – ie: when you have work related events, social life commitments etc. or add time to the current schedule.
I have considered what type of new schedule I would like, with regards to adding additional days – and around my daily schedule. It can go that way as well, if you would care to hear what I propose.
Her: I don't want any regular days added right now, with me working so much I feel like I barely see them as it is. If you are saying you will be flexible and want them if I happen to have to work and extra weeknight or weekend then I am ok with that. I asked my dad to babysit last night and my mom to babysit on saturday (I was asked to work) because I thought you said you couldn't take them because your scheduled was changing. What is beginning to get irritating to me is your inconsistency. You tell me something, I do it, then you seem to get irritated with that and want it all changed around again, and even step it up a bit and say you want them extra days permanently! We agreed to one night a week and every other weekend and I would be flexible if you wanted to take them out an extra day or something and you would be flexible if I needed to work. Can we keep with the original agreement?
Me: I can understand how that can feel irritating to you and that you feel that I am being inconsistent.
The financial situation was getting very tight and stressful for me when I mentioned to you that I felt I was going to be unable to see the kids more often, it hurt to even have to consider that as an option. I appreciate you accommodating me with that.
I have been fortunate to have some OT lately and it has helped me catch up, I didn’t expect that to happen when I had originally approached you about the schedule. I didn’t mean for it to appear as being inconsistent behaviour.
My request to see them more has no bearing on being irritated, I am not irritated. I am not trying to play games, your dialogue leads me to feel like you think I am?
Yes, we had an original agreement, verbally. At that time I just wanted you and the kids to be OK, I was overwhelmed with guilt and just wanted to give you everything I could. I didn’t want you to hate me anymore than I already felt you did. I have spent a lot of time and have put a lot of hard work into who I am and what kind of Father I am. I am a good Father, ALL of the time. I am committed to my sons. I don’t feel I should have to defend why I want to see them more often, I deserve to. It was a 50/50 decision by both of us that they are here today.
I am sorry you feel that you do not see them all that much, because you have to work so often. It is your decision to work and how you co-ordinate your life schedule and fit your time in with the boys. I am responsible for my choices as well.
I am sorry, I cannot say I would like to permanently stay with the original agreement.
I am going to spend some more time with my sons, we need to work something out to make that happen.
Her: The original agreement was not about you wanting to give me whatever I wanted. You threatened to take the kids half time if I pursued the issue of child support! I am not opposed to you seeing the more often, but the permanent arrangement we had I think is what we should stick with and I will be flexible like I always have been if you want an extra day here or there.
Me: A lot happened when you decided to leave, a lot has happened since then. I am not going back in time to review the way I felt when those discussions were had, I said what I did – and do have some regrets. I wasn't prepared for you to take our kids and walk out of my life…period. I have spent too much time controlling and undertanding those thoughts and feelings, and moving forward.
This has nothing to do with child support payments or anything else you may want to try and consider.
I am not going to be a “here and there” parent. I refuse to argue that matter with you.
I appreciate you offering to be more flexible at this time. I accept what you can do for me at this time.
But please understand that I am serious about not having this be permanent. I do not feel it is what is best for the kids…long term. I have a right to want this and feel this way. I am not saying I want this in the very near future, but I expect that to happen at some point later on.
I respect your feelings on the matter as well – and I am sorry. ----------------------------
Thats is where it ended off. I have not persued her to continue the discussion. I am feeling perhaps I have hurt her or angered her - or she is trying to process this in her own way.
