Do you think my W is testing me? Some of the issues that she was concerned about before all this seperation stuff happened was my anger and lack of patience. Her 1st email that she sent to me was a "thank you" sent a few hours after I sent her an email about a doctor's appointment and a few days after I semi-let her go (before joining this site and reading DR). I then pushed by following up with too many (3-4) emails and too fast in 3 days. One of the emails was a reminder about mail that I had of hers.
Two weeks later (this week) I send her the apology and letting go email and a 4 days later she sends me an email asking me to put her mail in the mailbox and asking me to send her a quick email letting her know if I could do that. She even said Hi and Thank you...maybe she is letting go negative feelings and thawing a little bit?
Maybe she is thawing??? IDK. Don't waste energy on things you can't control.
She will thaw faster if you give off "heat." Meaning be confident, calm and in control.
What are you going to do for yourself this weekend?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I am trying to find the proper pulse without defibing my W. I responded to her email as you suggested...nothing more. I have shown calmness and control in my emails and confidence with some humor. I plan to send her a simple b-day card and an inexpensive gift next week...is this pushing???
We are suppose to get some bad weather due to the hurricane so I thought I would head up to Maine...maybe Arcadia since it is a long weekend and play outdoors.
I wouldn't do a gift. Here's why - you don't reward bad behavior. She coped by leaving and going dark, her choice. She's your wife still. That's not how a "real" wife would act. She's right to be hurt by you but you aren't going to chase someone behaving badly towards you. She wants time alone, she's got it - agree with her. She needs to see that her drama is her drama, you are carrying on just fine without her. When she wants to talk you will know.
Watch "The Quiet Man" with John Wayne this weekend, see how he deals with CB and his wife's response. He agrees with her and he lets her go at the same time. Catnip.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I am trying to walk the tightrope of reconciliation without overstepping boundaries. I read your entire sitch and it helped me understand your thought pattern...create a means to draw heat (catnip)...difficult without contact so it will be a slow and painful process via email.
I told her about a week after she left that I agreed with her decision that we needed time apart. So I will send a a b-day card stating "Happy B-day" signed H.
"The Quiet Man" is one of my favorite JW movies. I will watch this weekend.
You will watch that movie thru a different lens now.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Hey hurtin, me and at least one other person (didthehurt) also imploded our M's with EA's in the past that boiled back to the surface again 2-3 years later. Particulars of your story are different than mine (see my situation in my sig) but the W's stated explanation of one of the dealbreakers being the past EA is the same.
For any of the vets on here, are you aware of past situations on this forum in which the person trying to do the DBing had committed infidelity and in which DBing (and DB alone) resulted in reconciliation. It seems some acknowledgement of the EA or amends-making or trust-building is necessary beyond LRTing? Or have you seen cases in which pure LRT really did make the heart grow fonder for the WAS and decide to come back and give the LBS a chance to make amends and help them heal?
Buy the DVD, RobX:Season 3 - in stores now, to get the unedited version and deleted scenes.
Last edited by Coach; 09/03/1002:38 PM.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
