*My IC says that I have so much anger, pain, and resentment with very little trust in H and those are the things she believes will keep us from working. She says he has to overcome but I do realize this are my problems to deal with. My feelings are aimed at him but I have control. (I told you I get it).
Really? I now have to agree with others that this IC is pretty lame. Why do I say that? Because you WILL have to deal with those issues - apart or together. Period. Telling you that the marriage won't work because of it? That's BS. That has nothing to do with it as thousands of married couples could tell you.
Here's something for you to consider. To put an issue to rest, it must be dealt with. If your H was unfaithful or broke the trust, then I suggest you start there and put that to rest once and for all. Let him know he needs to tell the entire truth as he knows it. When done. Give it a few days to figure out if you can let it go (you will have to at some point in your life - know that) and then live with that decision. Be done with it. Period. Whatever you choose, put that issue down for the rest of your life. From there, if you decide to stay in the marriage, figure out what it is going to take to rebuild the trust. Don't skip this. If you stay or if you go, you and your H have kids to deal with. There will have to be some level of trust between you. Figure out what you need to be able to rebuild that trust because there will be a test
Trust is important Doodi. I think you deserve to trust. And rebuilding that trust is important. But you won't be able to rebuild it if you cannot put it to rest.
Since you so far want to stay, do the hard work. Don't expect your H to change. That's not the right mindset. If he changes, that's up to him. But set everything else aside for right now and see if you two cannot put that to rest. Regardless of the pain it may bring.
Everything else? It'll be there later.
And talk to your doctor about the depression to be sure you are getting what you need in terms of care. Please.
I think those two things together should take a bit of time. But don't be afraid to have the conversation. To let him know how you feel about it. Be sensitive in the conversation that he'll feel guilty and angry etc. Remember he may think this is a deal that is over and you have forgiven him for. But it sounds like it is not and I cannot see you letting this go on any longer.
Have a great weekend Doodi. Don't be afraid - the fear is worse than the reality, and if we live in fear of what may happen, we often make it happen. Nothing to be afraid of at this point, Doodi.
Be at peace and do the work.
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
