JOURNALLING: Trying to stay on track. My old self is back: feeling guilty for starting a big D fight, H may lose his pilot's licence, time with his child, etc. Feeling like if I made problems too why should I fight him- I'm just as guilty for this all going downhill. And finally, after a pleasant back to school night yesterday with H, I'm scared to disrupt the status quo which is finally FINALLY calm and not abusive (much).
I got back on here to set myself straight! Read about how people have to stand up for themselves and move on. Take action - if the WAS wants a D, give it to them in full reality. Stop letting them cake eat and have everything their way according to fantasies of having everything their own way.
Reminding myself that Little Bo Peep has gotten me nowhere except doormat status for the past year.
SO I found this post and want to share it - if only to remind myself! "Yes, if you're marriage is over, and if your ex is being rational, and is putting the kids needs above their own, then I think the LBS needs to put aside their pride and anger and try to have a good relationship with their ex, for the kids' sake. If they're in fogged out "I'm doing what I want to be happy, no matter the consequences to anyone else" mode, then no, I don't think the LBS should be their friend, at all. The LBS should kick the WAS out of their life, and do everything they can to protect the kids from their wayward parent's impulsive destructive behavior."
This is just what I needed to hear after this week. Tuesday I emailed H to say I was sick and needed him to help with S5 - even though it was officially "my night"...a 180. (Not only is S coming home early from kindergarten, H is going away on a vacation this weekend and I am taking S for four days straight!). I told him this would be a nice way for him to make up some of the time with S that he would be missing. I told him I was having a hard time taking care of S.
H only replied he had "friends in town"- who are these people? - (I'm sure visiting with OW as well) and would not come. When I pressed him (a 180 - trying not to be a doormat, and trying to point out his selfishness) to ask if he could either reschedule or arrive to his gathering after putting S to bed, he never responded.
Then on Wednesday he emails and asks if he can have extra time with S that afternoon?!? No mention of how it went with me being sick, how did S do, etc. Wed is his night, but he usually comes at dinner and so I thought how rude - he wants visits when he wants them and doesn't want to be inconvenienced other times (including OW and god knows what else - partying?).
BTW I ignored him until he texted later and then I briefly said we were busy and he can come at his usual time.
The old me would have dropped everything to let S see his dad - out of the guilt that dad is not around this coming weekend. Just to be friendly and nice and make everyone happy. This new me felt like a jerk, but H hardly noticed - saying "it's fine, no big deal."
That's when I read posts about selfish WAS's especially those with OWs and now I feel stronger again.
