Puppys Short Version, All-Inclusive Advice for WAS

[Allen A]

You

1. move out or invite him to move out
2. get an intermediary to handle emergencies
3. file a separation agreement
4. expose the affair to family members
5. invite the family members to any functions you think your H may try to attend - he won't bother you if your family are there to protect you

that's a start

[SunnyD]

I want to hear more about you almost getting kicked off, Allen!!

:-)

[Mike.4545]

Allen,

This may end up in a long post so please bare with me. I'm posting this in both mine, and the "On-Inclusive" thread so others can weigh-in.

First of all, thank you for looking over my chart, commenting, and improving on it! It was merely an attempt to illustrate how I've put all the advice I've received together in my mind...and see if I was on track. My chart was a bit more general, as there are a lot of details I've already worked through in my situation that I was not seeking clarification or advice on...But with that being said:

I think we're onto an idea for a very helpful resource here on this forum. On this forum, there are a number of extremely knowledgeable and experienced veterans, and a substantially greater number of newcomers(a ratio of students>teachers)...and in the end, this creates a barrier for quick learning, and therefor, a delay in reaction time it takes people to apply the advice being given here to their situation.

Just like myself, so many newcomers find themselves at this site, lost, hurting, and desperate for advice on how to handle a situation that is life-altering and extremely difficult to navigate. They have to wade through an enormous amount of information, articles, books, advice, and seemingly conflicting methodologies on what route to take, and why. Like me, I think a lot of these people end up with a ton of information and ideas bouncing around in their minds without order...and have a difficult time organizing all those thoughts into a clear game-plan.

On the other side, all the veterans spend countless hours reading through new situations, re-giving the same advice, re-posting articles, and re-explaining why certain things should be done.

While invaluable, this whole system is very time consuming for everyone involved here! And as we know, time is of the essence in these situations.

With regard to situations of marital breakdown involving infidelity - Which I think is one of the most complex and difficult situations to work through...I propose we work collaboratively on a true "All-Inclusive" chart that we can get Stickied in this sub-forum.

Take our charts for example: We make sure it's thorough, easy to follow, concise, and includes links to expert-written support material for each step in the process, and why that step is important.

In the end, I think it would save everyone a lot of time, and allow newcomers to get down to business as quickly as possible. Let me know what you think about this...I'm not a software-writer, but I'm creative and have the knowledge to put it all together with the help of your's and other's expertise.

Just an idea! =O)

-Mike

[Lost Rabbit]

Before I got DB I did it all WRONG for three months I pursued and all it got me was a WAS!

For a month I did it semi-WRONG, H visited me and saw me on his terms and I got NOWHERE!

Then he got a place of his own and I thought a OW and I GOT A LIFE! Went NC, lost weight and did everything for me, didnt speak to him barely apart from once ten daily (He called) Im fine! Definitely went for 2B even though it scared me silly it was the best thing ever IMHO!

Story Finale been back together six months now, very happy still a long way to go and not so messy as some R's as turns out no OW just a serious case of MLC/Depression..

Totally agree with last post, its hard for Newbies who are hurting and in shock to understand the confidence that those of us with experience have! Also the VETs/Experienced dont have all the time in the world to explain as otherwise our marriages will be in jeopardy again! But this is contraversial I know but a little bit more compassion wouldnt go amiss, if you cant spare the time dont try and spread yourselfs too thinly! I do agree a general post of why we do things the way we do would be time well spent and much kinder to direct newbies too than short shrift which they do get some times. I dont mean to be disrespectful just wanting the best for folks!

[Allen A]

I dont think this will ever be a sticky as it is NOT something coming from the DR or DB texts...

But yes Mike we can certainly work on the chart...