John28-thanks for the advice. I tried the wine already....I think that's what gave this shy gal the courage to finally post. My IC told me that it takes courage for some people to reach out and ask for help. Big 180 for me-I always try to fix things myself.
AJM-I think part of my reason for wanting to at least try with H is that I really didn't realize how hurtful I had been to him until he dropped the bomb. My EA was facilitated in part by a hormonal surge at the beginning of perimenopause. I didn't face up to how much I had changed for the worse and how depressed I had become until he wasn't around for me to blame for everything. I know there is a lot of love there. We were best friends up until the bomb. At that time I was pretty miserable too, and agreed with him-I didn't know what else to do. But once I took a long hard look at the situation and owned up to myself that I had been just as responsible I realized that I didn't want to give up.
M 45 H 44 no kids-one great dog M 15 yr in Oct T 18 yr Bomb 6/10 "I can't be your husband any more"
