WAH help please

[Oxymoron]

My husband, myself and the marriage have been a train wreck for the past 2 years.

Him: Classic narcissist who HAS to have attention 24/7. Sexual maturity of an 11 year old-he's kind of interested, but finds it gross and scary at the same time. He won't talk about sex or engage in anything other than the 2 positions he is comfortable with. Lost his job 3 years ago. Is now working at 1/4 of what he used to make.

Me: Classic enabler. I let him lie and disrespect me because he "needed the attention". I love sex and being adventurous-but would settle for just an emotional connection, because I love the jerk. I had several surgeries because they thought I had cancer-so I stopped working my job at an animal hospital. I fill in on the rare occasion they need me.

Us: He has had several emotional affairs-never any proof that they turned into PA. I spied once early on in the marriage, but felt horribly guilty about it, so never confronted him. And never spied again. 4 years ago I had an EA with a guy online and husband caught us on the phone. Left for a week, but then came back and we worked through it. 2 years ago I told him I was very unhappy with our sex life-felt no emotional connection and his favorite position was too physically painful for me. I put my foot down and said "no more" until you can work with me on something that would make us BOTH happy. We had sex 2 times in the past 2 years. He would joke about sex, but never really talk to me-I realize now, that at least it was an attempt, and I didn't credit him with even that much-just resented his childishness. We were getting along fine otherwise-or so I thought. Then he dropped the bomb that he couldn't stay in a sexless marriage and didn't want to do therapy or try to fix it-he just wanted out. I cried and begged of course. Then went dark. Insisted on an R talk a few days later. He didn't say much of anything else-he hates to talk about any kind of relationship issues-the one new thing he brought to the table was that he was going through a MLC, but wouldn't elaborate. We agreed that he would keep the house and buy my half, and we'd split every thing else 50/50. Since our savings and a 401k were used to keep us from bankruptcy during his unemployment we don't have much left.

I don't really have a job-I'm shy, so I don't have a lot of friends. I was frozen with fear, so I didn't do too much of the pursuing. Then I found this site and read the books. Did 180s-got out and reconnected with friends. Still looking for a job. Told him I had to get my name taken off the deed to my mother's house before we could file ourselves for an uncontested divorce. He said he was fine with that. I said the one thing I wanted us to agree on is not to see other people until D was final-he agreed. Although I suspected he was already in another EA from his facebook. There is one woman who gushes over every little thing he posts. I couldn't do any spying since he is a computer whiz-but I am uncomfortable with spying anyway.

His grandmother and mother who live together are both having issues. I thought he had been going up to help take care of things every weekend, but one weekend his mom called looking for him. I saw from our joint bank account that he was spending $ every other weekend in the city of facebook chick. I had no other evidence, so I still asked no questions and tried to stick to the LRT. I've read everything on the boards for the past 2 months-finding support and encouragement through others. I thought things were going well, since he noticed and commented that I was looking good and seemed surprised not to find me at home most nights. He even started cooking fancy meals for me, but refused to say anything about the R other than-"is the deed settled so I can file?" I haven't actually even started working on it.

The sticky part for me now is that my mother just found out she has cancer. It was another dose of reality that emphasized how short life is. I find I have no patience anymore...but still love the guy and miss my support system and best friend. His mom called again looking for him and I am going insane thinking he is with someone else. I did peek at his e-mail today-what little there is on his home computer, but all I saw was something asking friends he was staying with last weekend if one of their female friends was going to be there. I'm wondering if I should just ask him to leave the house since he seems to be planning on dating...or IS dating. He still won't talk about the R or talk about anything other than mundane topics with me. My mother is going to find out this week how bad her cancer is. I can't stop crying about all of this loss. I can't just sit here in the most depressed state in the country with still no job and nowhere to go and no $ and watch him galavant off every weekend to goddess knows where with whom without totally losing my mind.

Should I try to talk about the R, or totally drop the rope by saying that I need space while I deal with my mother? We have been staying in the same house, because any $ we spend will be less I get in the settlement. I thought I could wait this out, but there has been no progress....and his niceness seems to be coming from guilt-kind of an "I know I'm going to be off having fun this weekend, so here's a steak dinner!"

I haven't slept for 2 days, since my mom told me her diagnosis, and I'm just sick.

Any suggestions about what to do? He's gone this holiday weekend-I'm assuming until monday or so. Any advice is appreciated and desperately needed.