WAW left on Independence Day and not communicating

[john28]

I have been dumped, but it was all my doing with the A 2 years ago and my paranoid control the over the last year. Like I told my IC I saw the train wreck happening, but only realized the day that she told me that she was leaving that I was the one driving the train.

It would have hurt just as much if there was OM, but I would not be kicking myself like I am now!

Hartford - I'm going to say a few things and I want to be honest. Here goes.

This is not all your fault. It is some of your fault, but not all. Playing the blame game doesn't work if you want to save your M. It's counterproductive in fact. How so? By blaming yourself you'll never heal from this and be able to be the man you want to be - you'll just wallow in your own self pity for eternity and that's not attractive to your W. Second, it's not good because you place stress or blame on your R with your W and that certainly doesn't make her happy to return to you, whether it be in conversation or R.

This may sound harsh, but I want you to hear it.

Don't make yourself out to be a martyr in this. It is easy to do so.

Trying to take all the responsibility for the failing of your M is distracting and filling your head and heart with things that aren't productive. You SHOULD acccept SOME level of responsibility, but only for your actions.

She won you back after your EA. She wanted to be with you then. Maybe she never let go of what happened. That could be true. But is it your fault she never let go?

I don't think so.

She could have left your ass out there on the curb the first time. She didn't. If she made a mistake - so be it - but that's not your fault either.

She chose to reconcile after your EA. In my book, that may not wipe the slate clean, but it was HER choice to enter back into the M with you.

Don't make yourself a martyr to this M.