I didn't know a thing about the Chilean minors until today. In the past I would have. My W use to watch with me, but she would not allow her blood to boil like I did. Although, she cannot see me not watching the news it does allow me to stay calm (180), which helps me stay positive when I write her an email. So I think she can see after 60 days of no communication that I have not become angry (one of the litany of things she brought up when she left me).
I have not brought up R or M and the only push was the open invite and I added a little humor as well as empathy since I told her that I realize that she may not be ready to meet.
didn't know a thing about the Chilean minors until today. In the past I would have. My W use to watch with me, but she would not allow her blood to boil like I did. Although, she cannot see me not watching the news it does allow me to stay calm (180),
Funny how all of that important stuff really turns out not to be so important, huh?
Your happiness is important. Very important. Take care of yourself, and I bet the inner Don Juan comes back
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I have been dumped, but it was all my doing with the A 2 years ago and my paranoid control the over the last year. Like I told my IC I saw the train wreck happening, but only realized the day that she told me that she was leaving that I was the one driving the train.
It would have hurt just as much if there was OM, but I would not be kicking myself like I am now!
I have been dumped, but it was all my doing with the A 2 years ago and my paranoid control the over the last year. Like I told my IC I saw the train wreck happening, but only realized the day that she told me that she was leaving that I was the one driving the train.
It would have hurt just as much if there was OM, but I would not be kicking myself like I am now!
Ehh... you messed up. You're not the first, and you won't be the last.
The important thing is not to keep focusing on the regret. Go ahead and feel that if you must (and you must at first). The important thing is this is actually a gift.
You are learning something that can make you a better man, and that's the best gift you can possibly get. Be grateful for this lesson and learn from it.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
You take for granted what you have until you have lost it. I have never read so many books of relationships, divorce, seperation. Thankfully I found this site and read DR. Now I am spending a great deal of time trying to put all of this together....
I have been dumped, but it was all my doing with the A 2 years ago and my paranoid control the over the last year. Like I told my IC I saw the train wreck happening, but only realized the day that she told me that she was leaving that I was the one driving the train.
It would have hurt just as much if there was OM, but I would not be kicking myself like I am now!
Hartford - I'm going to say a few things and I want to be honest. Here goes.
This is not all your fault. It is some of your fault, but not all. Playing the blame game doesn't work if you want to save your M. It's counterproductive in fact. How so? By blaming yourself you'll never heal from this and be able to be the man you want to be - you'll just wallow in your own self pity for eternity and that's not attractive to your W. Second, it's not good because you place stress or blame on your R with your W and that certainly doesn't make her happy to return to you, whether it be in conversation or R.
This may sound harsh, but I want you to hear it.
Don't make yourself out to be a martyr in this. It is easy to do so.
Trying to take all the responsibility for the failing of your M is distracting and filling your head and heart with things that aren't productive. You SHOULD acccept SOME level of responsibility, but only for your actions.
She won you back after your EA. She wanted to be with you then. Maybe she never let go of what happened. That could be true. But is it your fault she never let go?
I don't think so.
She could have left your ass out there on the curb the first time. She didn't. If she made a mistake - so be it - but that's not your fault either.
She chose to reconcile after your EA. In my book, that may not wipe the slate clean, but it was HER choice to enter back into the M with you.
Don't make yourself a martyr to this M.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
