Sweetie, your heart is right there. I hear it in your posts. You have a huge heart filled with compassion and love for your family.
Listen, dont try to force your way through this process because each and every step, even the ones that hurt and are so hard, each one is necessary. Each one brings you closer to peace. Each one helps you to become the person you want to be.
You are going to feel all kinds of things. And just when you thought you were finished with it, it comes back again. And that's ok.
Right now, as hard as it is, put your marriage in a box and store it safely away for now. Remember that you love your h enough to want to give him the freedom to walk his journey.
That doesnt mean you wont get angry, or sad or both. You will and you must. But each time, try to get back on your path.
For those of us who have gone through difficult childhoods, it is sometimes so hard to work through it all. But it is important because it has affected who we are as adults. Doesnt mean we can use it as a excuse, but it should be a jumping off point for you to begin to examine inside, come to terms with it and learn from it.
So, I know you are sad. And that's ok. This is a really big, hard thing that's happened. It's knocked the wind out of you. But I believe with all my heart that things happen for a reason. And you may not see it now, but I promise you, one day you will.
Just keep looking inside. Keep the focus on you and your children. But, dont forget to take care of IB. I know you want to be around when the kids drop by on the weekend, but try to take a walk, read a book, get a manicure. Do a little something just for you because you matter, you're important and you deserve it.
