In light of John28's thread tonight, I want to say I love my wife very much, I'm not against her in any way. I'd seriously would give my life to her. I Love her. However, it's not my choice or within my control to change her feelings except to change my actions to be someone that I wasn't during our marriage, Do I regret this fact? Yes I do, does it mean I'm going to roll over and take anything I can get? NO WAY. Why?
Because I need to focus on me, I need to focus on me! Not for her, but because this is who I need to be. MY life right now = shitty, but gettin better..Know what I mean?
MY life right now = shitty, but gettin better..Know what I mean?
No. Why is your life right now shitty? I mean aside from the whole Marriage/Divorce ordeal?
What can you do to improve YOUR life?
Just because I'm no where near my goals and I'm impatient. This whole process is just hard work and sometimes I just get frustrated.
I'm improving my life, but I also miss my W very much. Just wish I had some of the interactions that others on the board have with their W's. I want my turn to come back around so I can do it right this time. However, that's not realistic and just frustrates me sometimes.
Don't expect this bhvr to continue on her part or be disappointed when it stops. It's part of the squirrel moves.
Well you called it! No calls and back to texts about dogs. I'm only answering when necessary. Not disappointed, but I have found myself analyzing a little more than I want to. Going to up my GAL this weekend and my Boss said I could work OT Saturday and Labor Day.
Hey FaithnAK, Hang in there, I too would like something positive to happen with W. However I don't see it any time soon..(You never Know) So for now unlike I have been doing I'm letting go. Its taken a long time to get here, but I have to if I see any chance for us. I'm trying to enjoy the time with S. Anyway have a great weekend I'm stuck working.
Thanks for the support, I think we ALL want positive things to happen. It's a day by day process, but as long as we focus on ourselves first then we have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Like CD Bear said to me
Originally Posted By: CD Bear
We have to do what WE have to do for ourselves so that WE don't do the same things again in our next relationships. I am NOT going through this again, EVER. I need the skillsets and coping skills to prevent the deterioration of my next R. I need the self analysis and the boundaries to preserve MYSELF in the next R because "that guy" is important to ME and HER. THAT's who she fell in love with. And I need to CONTINUALLY be aware of my old patterns and NEVER let myself slide into dysfunction or taking her for granted.
This should always be our motivation in letting go. Evaluate yourself and fix what YOU can fix.
And I need to CONTINUALLY be aware of my old patterns and NEVER let myself slide into dysfunction or taking her for granted.
Speaking of old patterns, I dodged a bullet tonight and really had to stop and think before I responded...
When I came home from work, I had found that my old dog had pissed all over her kennel. After I fed her, I noticed that she kept running around the house and in-n-out of the back door. So went to watch her for a bit and all she was doing was running back and forth pissing like every 5 mins. Well my vet is closed and I decided to get her to pet emergency.
I DID NOT want to have to call the W, but I felt obligated. Had to leave a message that I was taking dog over to the doctor. No biggie, but she didn't respond for awhile and I refused to text. She finally called and asked what I wanted (friendly) so I asked if she checked her message and she said "No, what's up?", so I told her what was happening and she was like "Okay, well let me what happens". I thought sure as [censored] she would come to the vet, so she shocked me. I blurted out before I could stop myself, "Where are you?". (Not good, old habit) She said "I'm on the way to the fair." I knew right then she was going to the Shinedown concert (We both like them).
Several feelings popped up in this 10 second span that I just knew immediately had to be silenced. 1) is I thought for awhile of asking her to go to this concert, but didn't because of it being pursuing 2) Why is she out having a good time when I'm taking care of our dog. 3) I was really sad, because I wasn't invited 4) I was really angry(not violent angry) for all of the above.
All I said was "Okay, I'm trying to drive, talk, and calm a pacing old dog down...I'll let you know, bye"
I was really upset for the 3 hours I was there. I didn't bring my phone in with me, but she had texted me a couple times asking what was up. Got home, calmed down for a bit and called her cell, which I prayed went to VM. It did and I left a pleasant message.
I really controlled an old pattern, which I would NOT have done if I hadn't have read so much.
