My sitch has not changed appreciably. well, Things have happened.
I stupidly got caught up in one fight over dinner. I burned the burgers and she went off. I cooked them EXACTLY like the damn recipe I was trying, but they were hocky pucks. She would just not drop it and I told her off. It was stupid. We had MC for the first time in a month a day or two later and she admitted she acted poorly. I did too. So she dropped another peice of schrapnel on me (I never got a bomb, it just sort of trickled out over a couple of days).
She said that she went off because she was stressed about me being back from the camping trip. She said she feels free and alive with me not around. She is way more productive and is happy to get up in the morning and get stuff done. Then right before I show back up, the depression sets back in. Said she still feels oppressed in my presence. ouch.
I took it all calmly. Pointed out that I'm doing my thing. I dont follow her around or really even initiate any conversations about anything other than kids stuff. She agreed. Said she doesn't understand it, but that's the way she feels. MC looked at me and I went with all I could think of: "Is it the hat? Are you sure? this hat angers a lot of people I know." We both chuckled. He didn't get it. which made it funnier.
Then I reitterated that I didn't want to be with someone who didn't want to be with me..... And I really don't.
He went into what could be the reasons for her feelings...it went on. Not sure there's a future in this, but as long as she's going. I'll stick it out.
About the health thing, no change. She still hasn't followed up and really didn't want to discuss it in MC. I'm counting on Coach's belief that my sticking by her isn't going unnoticed. But it's weird.
I've read Doodi's thread a couple of times. I feel bad for her and it's helped me have empathy for my W. of course the sitch's are not exactly the same. I've never been abusive, so I see even less reason for all this. But I'm at piece with my self. I hope it stays with me.
ADAPT. OVERCOME. IMPROVISE. -Tom Highway
Me: 43 W: 40 S12 & S9 Married 17yrs Together 20yrs
Said she still feels oppressed in my presence. ouch.
"Why do you feel that way?" Follow up on that with her.
Then validate, don't get defensive, let her spew, keep your boundaries about CB.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
She agreed. Said she doesn't understand it, but that's the way she feels. MC looked at me and I went with all I could think of: "Is it the hat? Are you sure? this hat angers a lot of people I know." We both chuckled. He didn't get it. which made it funnier.
