Well regardless of whether anyone wants to stick this out with me, I'm done with all of it. Like I posted, last night I had a light bulb moment - I finally understood and played back in my mind all the times I've been an emotional reactor. I kinda of came to terms with what I was doing. If anyone is too busy to help me, I totally understand. It's my own fault for not listening before when the help was offered.

I decided to set a short term goal today. I'm going to pretty much go dark until my next counseling appt. on 9/14. I will not contact H unless it has something to do with our schedule/DD. No more suggesting, no more guilt trips, no more talk, no more bad attitude and cruel remarks - nothing. I'm going to try to pour myself into prayer, church, DD's preschool, work, exercise and helping with bake sales for pediatric cancer. In my mind, I'm telling myself we are already divorced and I have no right/need to contact him.

My biggest hurdle is going to be tonight. We have back to school night at DD's preschool and since this involves her, we are going together as a family. The ONLY reason we are doing it together is for her. She is starting school for the first time and we want to work together to get her off to a good start.

That's all I got. I'm sorry if I've failed to follow the advice I've been given. Maybe if I would have listened I wouldn't be facing this today. Again, no excuses, I own it. I take responsibility for letting my emotions control me and instead of me controlling them.

Me: 34
H: 34
DD: 3
M: 8 yrs
H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you"
PA Bomb: April 5, 2010