I never (nor would I) suggest Sol use the immigration ordeal (green card) to get even. That would be childish. I suggested she keep in firmly planted in her mind when her attny suggests they give in and hope for the best. Sol already went that route and her H did not hold up to his end of the deal. To think he will change his ways now is foolish. Just like D won't change his ways.
While it is a very series matter from a legal standpoint it also, as I mentioned above, exhibits a pattern of behavior. When such damaging patterns are established you can't go by a "wing and a prayer" and hope somehow this narcissist will start playing fair.
It's not about using the action against him. It's about using knowledge you have about his character to plan and execute a strategy.
And Sol - I am using the green card issue like I would use any of our issues (affairs, leaving the marriage multiple times or any other serious matter).
You're right CG- I was responding to Sol's comment:
Quote:
I really hate thinking about this beause it makes my skin crawl. I won't even go there.
I don't want Sol to feel he married her for a GC. Just from what Sol writes here I can tell she's a very kind, loving woman and some day she'll make some lucky guy very happy. So I was simply stating that while at times it may seem that way he didn't just marry her for a GC- he married her for all her wonderful qualities...which he took advantage of inappropriately.
However, he did act in a very selfish manner like most WASs do therefore I agree with you that there shouldn't be any hope of him acting in a different manner through this D process.
Edit: geez, that didn't make any sense...hopefully this does. lol
Last edited by ImprovedRomeo; 09/02/1008:34 PM.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
^ I read what you wrote as that way, too. I don't think he M'ed me for a GC but sometimes I question his motives. My mother completely believes that's why he married me. LOL. You know moms. Always protecting their DDs.
As for the GC, I would not use that against him ever or try to get him deported or put in jail. That is just not my style. He can keep it. This part of my life is over. My Mr. Sol chapter. Done. Over. Out.
My atty just sent me some more stuff. Contesting the D. Yipee!
Today I am not wallowing in despair over him. I am angry. And that makes me happy in a weird way. I have been feeling so f-cked up for the past week in the head, waking up every single morning thinking, WTH happened? Today I do not like his character. And that is progress in a weird way.
Wait.. HE is contesting the divorce? He is the one that filed for the divorce! He is contesting what he wanted? I must be reading this wrong or he really is crazy!
Who's contesting who now? I can't keep up- I know: try to keep up IR, right?
How about the three of us get a private suite and hash this out over drinks
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Well, I'm glad you are contesting. You tried to work things out in a far more gentle manner and your H CHOSE not to cooperate so contest away! Maybe once he sees you are not fooling around he will wise up and perhaps see the benefit of working WITH you instead of against you.
It took my H 18 months to get that concept through his thick skull. He finally understood the night before our trial. Funny what motivates people to get on board.
Hopefully this will be a positive turning point for the legal side of things. If not, well, use your resources. A voodoo curse or two never hurt
