How To Tell The Kids

[A_goodman]

Dan,

Camping was good. We went to a river and did some canoeing. the boys stayed in a bunk house. Some of the dads and I slept out in the open, no tent. It was a lot of fun.

I'm glad you are doing well. It seems like a million years since I joined you here. Unbelievable how much has changed in only a few short months.

You seem to be in a good place. I'm happy for you Bud.

[BeTheMan]

Dan - I don't consider my "tenure" here a good thing. The fact that I am still around a year later (and 5 years after my first visit) is only proof that I never give up and never get it right. It's hardly something to be proud of.

I have only started to detach very recently. When my WAW clearly stated "our marriage is over" again, I finally chose to believe that is how she really feels. That doesn't mean I don't hope she feels differently some day, but for once I chose to listen.

You're doing great. The fact that you are now happy in your new home is proof of how far you have come. Sometimes, taking stock of the good things in your life puts everything in perspective.

[DanF]

Thanks BTM. I just meant that you must have seen a lot here over the years and it means a lot to me that you have seen growth in me.

I am sorry that you are having to go through this again. I'll have to try to find you thread when I get some time.

Thanks again for the support!

[Ready2Change]

Hi Dan,

How are things with you and your sitch?

[DanF]

Hi Dan,

How are things with you and your sitch?

I'm doing very well actually. The move went pretty well and though W and I got in an argument over a few things taken and not taken, it settled out. It was hard to say goodbye to my former neighbors on Sunday and I did tear-up in front of them, but I managed to recover pretty well.

Tonight is my 4th night in the new house and the kids are with me after their 1st day of school. They swam in the pool and I had a fantasy football draft. Did ok. We ordered pizza tonight since that would be easy. Had to finish setting-up D's bed and unloaded my "new" used gas grill. It is really nice for only $50. I got it last night after D went back to Mom's place. It was hot last night and she wanted to swim, so I told her to come over and she did. Also ran to the grocery store last night to pick-up stuff for lunches tomorrow.

It seems I am very busy. I don't sit down until late the last few nights and I still have lots of boxes to unpack. Haven't missed W at all. Haven't called or texted except to return hers. Had one e-mail about the kids, but that is it. She did come by to pick-up D last night.

Still lots to do to get cleaned-up and organized around here, but I did get ALL of my stuff out of the old house.

Have to get ahold of my atty to make a proposal on child placement tomorrow. I think I am going to give W my every other Sunday night and ask for some other concession in return. We'll see what the atty says. I just want to get this all settled and figure out what we are going to do with the house. That has now supplanted child placement as my biggest worry. I'd like to have enough $ to be able to make a good down payment on a new place and avoid the mortgage insurance nightmare. Maybe I will just rent for a while and try to save some $ towards a down payment.

Blondie only works on Sunday nights now. Went to see her last Sun, but she was very busy. Maybe will go every sunday and watch some football at the bar and BS with her a little.

Have signed-up for Match.com and plentyoffish, but haven't made any contacts yet. There are some interesting women out there not too far away. We'll see how things go for a while firs though. Don't need anything serious at the moment.

I don't seem to have as many questions or issues to post lately. I guess that is good, since things are settling down, but I can't help but wonder if this is truly the end. Just don't know.

Thanks for checking-in R2C. I think I am doing ok.

[DanF]

Ok, so W has agreed that if I let her have the kids on my Sunday nights, she would be willing to accept child support as if we have equal nights. I know some of you are going to kick me for giving-up one of my nights, but I don't think this is a real big deal as far as time goes.

The L's can probably work this out somehow, but the law reads that child support is based on the number of overnights, so I am concerned about the wording of this agreement. I asked her if she would be ok if it was worded that I got sunday nights so that the support would be calculated properly, but I would let her have the kids anyway and she said no. It has to be written that way in the agreement.

I called the mediator and left her a voicemail regarding the situation and asked her to call me back.

If we can get this set, then it is only the house and maintenance that still have to be worked out.

Thanks to all for your help!

[Ready2Change]

I'm doing very well actually.

glad to hear that.

...though W and I got in an argument....

Now is the time to lead in the R with your W. I might suggest that you use this next time "I am not going to argue with you. I will discuss this with you when we are both calm"

....I did tear-up in front of them....

We men have been raised to stuff our emotions. I would like to recommend some emotional release work. I do this by watching sad movies alone...or with someone I trust...I also focus hard on feeling all the feelings.

...I am very busy....

Busy is good. be sure to balance. Busy/Relax

Still lots to do to get cleaned-up and organized around here, but I did get ALL of my stuff out of the old house.

I had fun doing this...making the house a home...my way.

..Blondie...

enjoy her. learn from her. And all the other ladies

Don't need anything serious at the moment.

Have fun. Lots of recommendations to wait about 2 years before moving to more serious. "I am casually dating" worked for me.

...I can't help but wonder if this is truly the end. Just don't know.

It is what it is. Best thing I can recommend is to enjoy RIGHT NOW, from now on....

.. I think I am doing ok...

You are doing great. You did not get stuck. Keep moving forward...I see you are supporting others. Supporting others helps me when issues come up...sort of a already been there done that...

Party on!

[Ready2Change]

Ok, so W has agreed that if I let her have the kids on my Sunday nights, she would be willing to accept child support as if we have equal nights. I know some of you are going to kick me for giving-up one of my nights, but I don't think this is a real big deal as far as time goes.

I love Sunday nights with my kids....

We relax after the weekend...reading....snuggling....movies...

[DanF]

Ok, so W has agreed that if I let her have the kids on my Sunday nights, she would be willing to accept child support as if we have equal nights. I know some of you are going to kick me for giving-up one of my nights, but I don't think this is a real big deal as far as time goes.

I love Sunday nights with my kids....

We relax after the weekend...reading....snuggling....movies...

Good point.

[A_goodman]

Hey bud. Glad to hear you are getting set up ok. How long does the pool stay open?

It feels pretty good to be in the position that this site isn't the only thing keeping you sane. Heck, we talk to each other on other folk's threads more than each other's. Not saying I'm in the clear yet. I'm sure ther'll be times when this will be my lifeline again, but right now, I feel pretty good and I think you do to.

Bully for us!