not true. you always remain friends with your ex spouse. for juniors sake.
you might even find you are better friends than lovers.
if you can't get it together, maybe the courts will require some parenting classes or award full custody to the mother till dad can get his anger issues resolved. but you shouldn't let that happen. there is no reason a child needs to grow up in the battle zone between two adults. amicable separations are were its at.
and if for no other reason you remain friends so at least they will let you slide a month or two on support payments when work is slow or the bills start piling up. always remain friends with your ex spouse.
What the above ridiculous conversation says to me is, I am right. When you get dumped or your spouse moves out take a month or two, maybe three To Move On.
Don't talk to them, or about them. Think about yourself and where you are going with your life rather then about them and the confused, argumentative, stabbed in the back history you had with them.
In the least it will help you to regain focus and control over your life, REALIZING that ridiculous statements like the above are not as confusing or meaningful as you make them out to be, and,
realize that ridiculous statements like the above would not have occurred if you were too busy to entertain them.
why are you so unhappy? because you are holding onto an unhappy past instead of looking towards a future of endless possibilities.
and especially for you John28, especially for a lot of men on this site, since you suffer from this,
once you regain focus and control, you will look at the whole picture, rather than focus on details and conversations.
if you try to analyze why one morning she says I love you but at night she hates you then in the morning she still hates you but at nights shes saying I love you. You wasted 48 hours of your life. There is nothing to gather from that other than she is confused and just confused you.
I hear you SMQ. I have struggled with thoughts just like that. I think your philosophy is ideal if somehow you have a totally rational walk away spouse who is divorcing you because they are unhappy being with you, but otherwise is acting responsibly, respects you, and thinks you're a-ok. Unfortunately, that's not always the case. If it was the case, they probably wouldn't have left to begin with!
Even though I was in extreme emotional pain for the first year after my W left, I tried to be a friendly helpful co-parent, for the sake of my kids. Inside I was in extreme conflict, because after what she did, I didn't feel she deserved to have me in her life like that, but I felt my kids did. What did it get me? She ate cake like she lived in a bakery. She took off on the kids for weeks at a time to go be with OM, dropping them at my house on the way to the airport. She told me how wonderful OM's country is, and how she was planning on taking the kids for extended months long trips with her, separating them from each other, and from me. She spent money like crazy. Yes, as long as I was "friendly", she'd work with me regarding support, cars, bills, school, etc, but as soon as I objected to her decisions, she became a venomous raving crazy woman, threatening me, and digging at old wounds she knew would hurt.
You know my story. Eventually at the end of last year I had had it, and I cut her off. Was I friendly? No. Did I talk to her? No. Did my kids see me treat her like that? Yes. Did it confuse them? I'm sure it did. Did I stop taking her crap and stand up for myself? Yes. Did she sue me for custody? Yes. Was it ugly? Yes.
What was the result? She put her tail between her legs and came back to me. Has it held up? No, not yet. We'll see. At least she dropped her lawsuit.
Yes, if you're marriage is over, and if your ex is being rational, and is putting the kids needs above their own, then I think the LBS needs to put aside their pride and anger and try to have a good relationship with their ex, for the kids' sake. If they're in fogged out "I'm doing what I want to be happy, no matter the consequences to anyone else" mode, then no, I don't think the LBS should be their friend, at all. The LBS should kick the WAS out of their life, and do everything they can to protect the kids from their wayward parent's impulsive destructive behavior.
