"I always thought we would be friends and now you don't even want that. I can't understand how you go to always returning my calls to not talking to me at all, even when I call you. It just makes me really sad to lose you as a friend."
What does that say?
emotional blackmail
She needs to understand you won't be friends when you divorce. She's trying to guilt you into being available whenever she needs something. She knows why you don't want to talk to her all the time. Would she be playing nice with you if you had behaved like she did? Neither one of you understands boundaries (that's pretty normal).
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
"I always thought we would be friends and now you don't even want that. I can't understand how you go to always returning my calls to not talking to me at all, even when I call you. It just makes me really sad to lose you as a friend."
Why, whyyyy would she think that you would be friends after that? It's not like it's a social norm for divorcing people to be friends? I think you should burst that bubble there.
She wanted to get divorced so let her have it.
Accept that there is only one thing you can change in life and that is you
"I always thought we would be friends and now you don't even want that. I can't understand how you go to always returning my calls to not talking to me at all, even when I call you. It just makes me really sad to lose you as a friend."
What does that say?
emotional blackmail
She needs to understand you won't be friends when you divorce.
not true. you always remain friends with your ex spouse. for juniors sake.
you might even find you are better friends than lovers.
if you can't get it together, maybe the courts will require some parenting classes or award full custody to the mother till dad can get his anger issues resolved. but you shouldn't let that happen. there is no reason a child needs to grow up in the battle zone between two adults. amicable separations are were its at.
and if for no other reason you remain friends so at least they will let you slide a month or two on support payments when work is slow or the bills start piling up. always remain friends with your ex spouse.
What the above ridiculous conversation says to me is, I am right. When you get dumped or your spouse moves out take a month or two, maybe three To Move On.
Don't talk to them, or about them. Think about yourself and where you are going with your life rather then about them and the confused, argumentative, stabbed in the back history you had with them.
In the least it will help you to regain focus and control over your life, REALIZING that ridiculous statements like the above are not as confusing or meaningful as you make them out to be, and,
realize that ridiculous statements like the above would not have occurred if you were too busy to entertain them.
why are you so unhappy? because you are holding onto an unhappy past instead of looking towards a future of endless possibilities.
and especially for you John28, especially for a lot of men on this site, since you suffer from this,
once you regain focus and control, you will look at the whole picture, rather than focus on details and conversations.
if you try to analyze why one morning she says I love you but at night she hates you then in the morning she still hates you but at nights shes saying I love you. You wasted 48 hours of your life. There is nothing to gather from that other than she is confused and just confused you.
I would be friendly not friends there is a difference.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
At the risk of sounding like Larry Tate, I agree with both Coach and McQueen on this one.
And here's the distinction I would make:
You SHOULD, ultimately and eventually, end up being friends with your ex-spouse, for the purposes of good co-parenting.
You just don't TELL them that you will be, IF you are still DBing. At least if you're doing "2a." If you're doing "2b," then I think Gucci says yeah, you do.
Different approaches. But basically, I believe what Coach is advocating here is a TACTIC -- implementing the FEAR OF LOSS into the equation of the wayward's mind. And loss of the "best friendship" of their LBS is a WAY underrated concept, in my opinion. It's powerful stuff.
At the risk of sounding like Larry Tate, I agree with both Coach and McQueen on this one.
And here's the distinction I would make:
You SHOULD, ultimately and eventually, end up being friends with your ex-spouse, for the purposes of good co-parenting.
You just don't TELL them that you will be, IF you are still DBing. At least if you're doing "2a." If you're doing "2b," then I think Gucci says yeah, you do.
Different approaches. But basically, I believe what Coach is advocating here is a TACTIC -- implementing the FEAR OF LOSS into the equation of the wayward's mind. And loss of the "best friendship" of their LBS is a WAY underrated concept, in my opinion. It's powerful stuff.
Puppy
"I'm losing the one person I could always talk to." That was one of the most dramatic statements my W said Monday night.
My wife SPECIFICALLY told me, in the days following our reconciliation after she ended her affair, that this was the #1 reason why she wanted to come back to the marriage:
"I missed having you as my best friend. You've ALWAYS been my best friend, and it was killing me that I was no longer going to have that."
