checking on me. He thinks I'm hiding something. I've told him I have spilled my guts to him and he knows every horrible, hurtful, and damaging thought that has gone through my head but he is sure that I have something I'm hiding.
The funny thing is he went looking and I was the one who told him I joined and my userid. Guess accidently, doesn't fit afterall.
"I feel like Rocky in the fifteenth round, beaten beyond recognition, when I realize, the only person I've been fighting for is...myself."
H has finally admitted to some of his and wants to do better but I'm concerned because the only reason he is doing anything is for me.
I know it may not seem like it w/ the way you are feeling and all but that is a very commendable thing he is doing, admitting his faults in this sitch. Do not take it for granted.
I don't take them for granted. But the minute things get a little sour he turns it against me. He says I'm trying to change him. I need him to do this for himself otherwise he's doing it for the wrong reason
"I feel like Rocky in the fifteenth round, beaten beyond recognition, when I realize, the only person I've been fighting for is...myself."
I get that its in my court, but how do I truly feel at peace with this decision? Will the fog ever lift?
I actually wish he had an EA/PA so I could rationalize things better. Right now, it just seems like I'm a quitter.
You will feel at peace with your decision if you know you have made every effort to honor your marital commitment, whether that results in failure or success. Yes, the fog lifts but it doesn't lift by itself. You need to do the work.
Coach recommends a book called Learned Optimism. I haven't read it yet, but perhaps you would benefit from reading it. My understanding is that it discusses how to change your feelings by changing your thoughts.
Hi Doodi, I've been reading and I feel for your pain. I can see how confused and hurt you are and I am sorry you got here. I just want to tell you that in my experience, the way I see things at least, any decision you will make in a state of confusion and while the emotions are so intense, will be a decision you will question later.
My advice would be to detach, focus on you, stay away from drama and work towards something that you will be "OK" with... IMHO, you are not in position to make a solid decsiison now, no matter how much he has hurt you in the past.
And, btw, expecting him to "help you" make a decision is not fair. As a LBS, I lived a few horrible months with my H while he had stated he didnt know what he wanted (he was having an A I didnt know about). During those months he was trying to be true to himself (and not with me) resulting to a nightmare for me. I was lost, confused, scared, pathetic, walking on eggshels. I did want to make him stay but all I did was pushing him away. So, in your case, you decision is YOUR job. Dont make it his and "blame him" for not getting things. I can assure you, he isnt capable to. Even if his intention is to change things, you wont be seeing that while he is panicking... If you need distance, you will need to distance yourself, with all consequences (and I think that's exacctly what you should do btw)
Just my 2 cents, hopefully you will understand what I mean... K
H has finally admitted to some of his and wants to do better but I'm concerned because the only reason he is doing anything is for me.
My W had an issue with this too. I don't understand why doing it for you (or her) is such a problem. We are doing what you want because we want you to be happy. Why does it matter what the reason is? If you are happy, this is for US too. If it weren't for someone else's issues, we might just be happy the way we are. I don't get this.
Originally Posted By: Doodi
I can barely keep my head above water while holding on to the kids...trying to keep him afloat is just too much.
Why do you have to keep him afloat? What do you do to keep him afloat?
My W said similar things in terms of if it were just her and the kids, she wouldn't have to worry about my needs too. I don't ask for much other than sex, but maybe that was just too much for her. [/quote]
