My H and IC believe that because I'm still have an 'escape plan' it means I have no hope.
If that's what you IC thinks, he/she has no understanding. The escape plan functions as a stress reliever. When facing the problems in the relationship, considering the alternatives relieves the stress.
I swear without you guys I wouldn't be able to explain myself. I can never find the words on my own but that is exactly what I feel about my 'plan'. It doesn't mean I'm done, it just means I'm scared.
If that's the advice your IC is giving you, in my opinion it's complete BS.
You have a problem. You think you have two solutions. Just because you have two solutions doesn't mean one of those solutions isn't viable.
That's complete crap in my mind.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
Well unfortunately I shared the BS with H and now the snowball has turned into an avalanche. I don't know what to do anymore.
I've had a handle on my depression for awhile now, but today I feel myself spiraling. I am clinging to my sanity right now for my kids. I know as soon as I put them to bed I will lose it. The question is will I be able to figure this out.
"I feel like Rocky in the fifteenth round, beaten beyond recognition, when I realize, the only person I've been fighting for is...myself."
I don't know. The memories are all so tainted right now I can't imagine what it would be like to be in a good R. Ours has never really been healthy and things went downhill even further abut 7 yrs ago. Now I'm just too damaged to hold out hope.
I feel like my choices are either I sacrifice myself (stay) or I sacrifice my kids (go)?
The fog is overwhelming and I'm losing myself. I just want the world to disappear right now. I even want to hide from my kids.
"I feel like Rocky in the fifteenth round, beaten beyond recognition, when I realize, the only person I've been fighting for is...myself."
I don't know. The memories are all so tainted right now I can't imagine what it would be like to be in a good R. Ours has never really been healthy and things went downhill even further abut 7 yrs ago. Now I'm just too damaged to hold out hope.
I feel like my choices are either I sacrifice myself (stay) or I sacrifice my kids (go)?
The fog is overwhelming and I'm losing myself. I just want the world to disappear right now. I even want to hide from my kids.
Do you have a support system - friends?
Have you read Why Mars and Venus Collide: Improving Relationships by Understanding How Men and Women Cope Differently with Stress?
You can download it onto your computer from the Amazon site if you can't find a copy locally. I highly recommend it.
I feel like I don't have time to do any of that. My H wants answers/changes now.
As for support, I think I've overstepped and bored all of them. Most of my friends just say, they will be there with whatever I decide but it's up to me.
It just doesn't seem to make sense to me that everyone is expecting the most confused person to make the life changing choices.
"I feel like Rocky in the fifteenth round, beaten beyond recognition, when I realize, the only person I've been fighting for is...myself."
I feel like I don't have time to do any of that. My H wants answers/changes now.
As for support, I think I've overstepped and bored all of them. Most of my friends just say, they will be there with whatever I decide but it's up to me.
It just doesn't seem to make sense to me that everyone is expecting the most confused person to make the life changing choices.
Then you need to help him get some insight. Maybe you need to get him on this forum. Let's see what the veterans think about that. Normally, this is supposed to be a resource for one spouse, not both, but in this instance if he got some support and insight it might take the pressure off you.
I think in their, rather unique case, it's an EXCELLENT idea.
They are coming at their dysfunction (if I understand their sitch correctly), more or less as moral and relational EQUALS. Like Greek & Coach did. I think it could work.
I just realized today that Greek/Coach were together. I've been so wrapped up in my world.
It's funny because I've sent him snippets of things I've found on here as insight into my brain. Sometimes they help.
Puppy, our problems seem so basic I almost feel like an idiot asking for help. There is no EA/PA on either side. I recognize I have mad problems and I always have...now I'm just asking for time. H has finally admitted to some of his and wants to do better but I'm concerned because the only reason he is doing anything is for me. I need him to stand on his own. I need him to not need me so much. Not because I'm on my way out but just because I'm sinking. I can barely keep my head above water while holding on to the kids...trying to keep him afloat is just too much. I need help.
Right now, I can't even think straight. It's like I'm in so much pain right now I want to run but I don't know that I want to run for good. I just need things to slow down.
As for him getting on here, I don't know. It's not normally his thing. He says he accidentally found me on a different site (I've tried 2 others) and when he realized it he left.
At first I was worried about him finding out. I was worried because he normally gets so upset about me putting his business out there. Then I realized, this is my business and I need help. I will leave no rock unturned, no resource untapped....and this is another resource. So here I am, spilling my guts, hoping I can get some clarity. If he wants to come that is up to him
"I feel like Rocky in the fifteenth round, beaten beyond recognition, when I realize, the only person I've been fighting for is...myself."
