What happened with Amy and her marriage? I spent some time last night reading through her postings. She seems to be a very determined and insightful woman.
Maybe 'Twilight Zone' is an apt title for this MLC journey. Two weeks ago my wife will literally only open her apartment door enough for my son to enter, and I'm not allowed to even peek inside. Fast forward to last Thursday, she's still venting, and my wife's angry with the fact I took our son to his schools' open house, but didn't ask the questions she wants answered. Hellooooooo?!?! I asked you dear wife a few times before the open house, and you said nothing. After the fact, now you're acting this angry?? To top it off I made the [huge] mistake of asking how she could be so angry about me not asking how many 5th grade classrooms there are...because she wanted to know...considering the tragedy that just happened a few days prior with the little girl and the bike. My MLC wifes' reply was, "Yes. That was a tragedy. But, I gotta know what I gotta know!!" (Oh boy, talk about some serious projecting going on...)
Then, fast forward [again] to this past long weekend. I took our kids camping Saturday night(my wife didn't want to go, no problem...) I thought this would set her off again, but nope... Sunday afternoon our son went swimming at her apartment complex community pool. She actually invited inside her apartment to help her get stuff for the pool(Mind you, I am petrified to even look inside her apartment from her doorway), and then we go and hang out together for a good 1-1/2 hours. No talk of divorce, no anger, no spewing, nothing... Just all 4 of us hanging out by the pool acting like a family...
Fast forward [one more time] to right after the pool visit. My wife really wants to pick our son this morning and wait with him at the bus stop near our home, since today is his first day back at school. She must of asked him five or six times but he kept saying, "Nahhh Mom. That's okay mom. I'll be fine." I know it really hurt her for Gabe to reject her like that. It’s been pretty obvious the last few weeks that she’s been trying to re-connect with him, yet she doesn’t get involved with the viola decision, back to school open house, etc… It’s gotta really hurt (especially for a mom) that Gabe didn’t want her to be at the bus stop on the first day back at school. I was torn on whether or not to make him accept, or let her ‘feel’ the consequences of her being away from the family home. I just stayed out of it. I hope I made the right choice…
Man...poor girl. She must really be struggling inside.
I have a couple of questions that I'm hoping those who have been through this a lot longer than I can help provide some perspective to my situation.
First, since my wife moved out to an apartment over 6 months ago she has, for the most part, avoided our marriage bedroom like the plague. Is that something common to an MLC spouse? Or, is it something unique that only some experience? I bring it up because with my wife [avoiding the bedroom] it's been quite obvious over the last few months. When she does come 'home' she will sometimes go upstairs but will only go to our son's bedroom. Today she came by for a short while. I was upstairs sitting on our bed with our daughter playing. My wife came upstairs, came into our bedroom, and actually sat down on the bed. It struck me for the simple fact she'd been avoiding our bedroom almost entirely for the last few months. So, is there anything to it? Just a random thing? Something psychological related to one of the stages? Please enlighten me...
The second thing is a question I want to ask, I suppose more for 'philosophical' type of insight. Recently, I was just wondering to myself, say my wife reaches some future point where she wakes up and her mind becomes clear as to all the damage that has been caused by the 'crisis', her EA with DJ in China, etc... If/when she reaches that realization will she ever ask herself, 'how could my husband possibly love me after the damage I've caused?
My question is irrelevant to whether she wants back in the marriage. During the last year since this whole mess started, I've just often wondered whether she realizes that I truly love her. I'm certain she does. I just wonder if she'll ever reach some future point where she finally wakes up, but could possibly be incapable of accepting my love after what's been done. Will guilt prevent her from accepting my love, or loving me back? I can totally envision a point in time where she realizes, "Oh my God. What have I done?!" but then thinks, "How could he ever take me back?"
