Well I had my IC today and I don't know whether to say it went good or bad. She told me that I was leading the H on because I still was thinking of leaving next summer if things didn't change. She told me that I was leading him on by saying we could work on this. She believes that I have way too many issues for him to overcome. She says my anger is too much to get past, especially when you throw in the trust problem. My IC believes that I am DONE in my heart but my other personal issues/codependency are making me say whatever takes to calm him down but then that just blurs the issues at hand.
So when he asked how IC went I told him everything that she said. He got emotional and told me that he understood. He was very upset because he said that now that he got it, he wasn't being given the chances to change anything. I told him that he could still needed to work on the things he brought up but he says he was only doing it for me so now it didn't matter.
I just sat there and took it. I didn't know what to say. I was too worried about saying the things he wanted and not the things I meant (if that makes sense). I do get where she's coming from though. I thought I was clear when I said that I just wanted us to work on our individual problems and not worry about the R just yet. I told him that who knew what would happen when we worked on ourselves. I really thought it was clear. But obviously I was wrong (as usual).
So now I've pretty much withdrawn into my head. I'm trying to figure out what to say, if I should say, should I just let the cookie crumble around me and accept that I did this. I don't want to be any more cruel that I have been but I do feel like every LITTLE thing I say that is even remotely positive he jumps on like I said let's renew our vows.
Why do I feel more confused after seeing the IC than before. WTF!!!
Your IC is full of crap. Get a new IC or a DB coach. To say that you have too many issues to have a healthy relationship with him is to say that you have too many issues to have a healthy relationship with ANYBODY. (Does that mean you should abandon your children if you have any?) But you are in a relationship - a marriage - you're not just dating, so you work on yourself and the marriage at the same time. Read the self help books and do the work to heal yourself and your relationship. Too many divorces are occurring because any idiot can become therapist or even a psych. They were taught that if you are not happy you should quit. They are weak and full of crap.
