New Beginning

[cat04]

PEI,

You almost had me. You really did. I think you need to dig a lot deeper.

What does this mean for me personally? My happiness, and more importantly, my entire sense of self worth was for a long time tied to the validation I received in the form of attention and approval from others, mostly - but not only - men.

Mine too.

Am I still searching outside myself for validation .... to validate my worthiness, my sexiness, my attractiveness, my appeal?

Are you sure of this statement? Really sure that you are not looking for attention, maybe not validation exactly any more, but attention from men?

Because that attention is validating, regardless?

So ... what's the deal then? I like men. You guys are alright. I like the banter. I enjoy the fun. And more than ever, I like women too (no Grit ... not like that ... I'm not wearing the shirt!) ... as long as they are the kind that don't like drama and can relax and have some fun.

PEI, this was ok, sorta. Right up until your sexual aside to Grit. You made an assumption of the thoughts that your comment would bring, and couldn’t pass up the chance for a response. (Which you got BTW.)

My opinions on relationships with women are based on my experience. I grew up in a very small place, went to very small elementary and highschools and unfortunately a bunch of the girls I was exposed to were nasty.

Maybe it is time to let go of that part of your life.

Am I now absolutely judgemental about women? Not at all. I now have and maintain very close friendships with many women, I just don't like the drama associated with what appears to be, in my opinion and based on my experience, a lot of women. Ask around, I bet I'm not the only one who thinks so.

Because this statement shows that you haven’t. You are still using those experiences, to justify your apprehension of women.

I am not 100% non-judgemental about the attention of men. Trust me, I am more than knowledgeable about the potential motivations and intentions of many men. All too familiar in fact.

But you still bring the sexual aside into it?

Ya gotta love the judgement that gets attached to a woman who can interact in a man's world, if she chooses to do so in an open playful way. Nobody judges the men ... oh, no ... they're just having fun ... gimme a break. And "the kind of men that attracts"? I'm talking friendships ... banter, fun ... not attracting someone ... see, I do believe that men and women can be friends.

Personally, I didn’t see any judgment of it, although I will agree that women do get judged more harshly than men in this arena.

Honestly, PEI, been there, done that. When you interact in a man’s world, you have to be willing to accept that judgement. If it bothers you, then there is a reason. A sting. A part of you that thinks it is wrong.

I still have a hard time forming friendships with women. Partly because of my desire to stay out of the drama, and partly because many women have a hard time with a woman who is comfortable in a man’s world.

You know what I have learned though?

It is much easier to have those “friendships” that you are talking about, when you totally remove the sexuality from it. You have to be able to set up the boundaries in your own mind. For you. And you have to know that it is ok to NOT cross them, even if your intentions may be pure and innocent.

Once you do, even verbally, that door is open. And the relationship is different. Now it is male/female, instead of two people being friends.

So why do I like men? Honestly, how many women do you know that can carry on a conversation about the engine of a car, the actual technicalities of a sport, fishing, hunting, etc? Those are MY interests. Find me a woman who not only can talk about those things, but likes to do them, and she would probably be someone I might become friends with.