Ominus Bonus

[steady]

I have to keep this brief right now because I am really drained and tired - and basically sick of having to deal with this stuff and have it be a constant drag on my life and my being.

My W moved back into the house on Tue. It threw the whole family out of balance and the kids were confused as ever. When I got home my D told me, "Daddy, the four of us are going to be in the house now. Mom said she wasn't going to leave us anymore and she's always going to be with us now."

I immediately knew my W had said something she wouldn't be able to follow through on. I told my W I didn't want her there and she retorted, "Well, I don't want you here either!" (in a not so pleasant tone) I said wait a minute. I'm not being a d!ck here. I think this is totally unhealthy for the kids and it throws everything out of whack. The judge told us on Monday we were to keep the custody schedule the same as it's been. Our kids are going to be completely thrown off by this."

She said, "Well I have every right to do what I'm doing. According to the paralegals. I talked to my L and he told me what went on in court on Mon. I have a call into my L now and haven't heard back from him."

Then she proceeded to say, "They've been begging me to do this - to be with them all the time." I said, "Well they say the same stuff to me. Our D has been asking now for a few weeks why the four of us can't be together. Of course there's going to be confusion and things said by them. This situation is going to have an affect on them."

So the rest of the evening was full of tension. It threw everything out of balance.

We ended up talking for about an hour after the kids went to bed and that went good. Some things were aired out and I was brutally honest about what I though and felt about some of the things we talked about. I'll give more detail about it later on.

She managed to take even that and turned it into something ugly and tried to make me look a fool with an email she sent me the next day. Details will follow when I'm actually in the mood to write it down.

Long story short - she came back home last night around 6pm and took my D to her mom's house. My S stayed with me like we have been doing every Wed. Of course the kids were upset because now it all got changed up again and was in direct opposition to what she was telling them the day before.

Apparently she met with her L and he told her she had to keep to the schedule.

The worst part of it - I heard my W upstairs telling my S, "Well my friend (referring to her L) made a mistake. He felt really bad about it. He said something he shouldn't have said. They asked a question and he said no, then it was asked again and he said yes and he shouldn't have."

I went upstairs and said, "What are you saying to our kids?" She said, "I'm just explaining to them what happened. I have to explain this to them."

I said, "I'm talking about explaining something to them right now. You are talking to them about something they shouldn't even be hearing or be involved in."

Keep in mind, a few weeks ago when I was putting my D to bed she said to me, "Daddy, mom said she's working on having us with her and then visiting you like we visit grandma - you know, a few times a week."

So my W has been telling them her and her friend (L) have been working on getting them more time with her. I am beside myself that she would even say anything like this to our kids. When they say stuff like that to me - where they say they want to spend a lot of time with me and not their mom I always encourage them to change their thinking. I'll remind them when they're with her they feel that way about her, and when they're with me they feel that way about me. I tell them mom loves them and loves being with them and both of us should share and have time with them.

She's busy telling them they'll spend more time with her and I'm busy telling them it's fair for them to be with both of us.

Anyway, I'm drained, tired, worn out.

The saddest part for me, besides the kids going through this, is even after all of this; even after her dumping all over me for the past 3 years; even after the two attempts at getting a restraining order; after calling the police over an argument; after her repeated attempts to control the kids and take them away from me; after the lies, fabrications, manipulations, etc...

after all of that....

I still felt bad for my W having to go through what she went through yesterday.