INTERESTED IN MLC FOR LBS

[fisherman]

In many ways I feel like I am dealing with a teenage daughter instead of a wife.

Hmmm... no, you THINK you are dealing with somebody acting like a teenager.

If this is how he truly feels, (and only Bobby truly knows the answer as to where his feeling are) then this is a valid statement.

Who are are you to tell him that it isn't?

[fisherman]

I do not know what anybody is feeling unless they tell me.

LOL!! He did just that, fine sir.

[TimeHeals]

If this is how he truly feels,

Again, I do not know how he feels. I could try to guess: frustrated, angry, impatient? I don't really know however.

I do know calling somebody a name and putting the word "feel" in front of it doesn't make it a feeling.

Maybe you should think about this?

[fisherman]

Again, I do not know how he feels.

Well in case you may have missed it my friend here it is again.....

In many ways I feel like I am dealing with a teenage daughter instead of a wife.

I do know calling somebody a name and putting the word "feel" in front of it doesn't make it a feeling.

Maybe you should think about this?

Why? If some one tells me they are feeling that way. I'm not going to respond with. "Hmmmmm.... NO." I'm going to trust the fact that what they are telling me is how they really feel and who the fuckk am I or anyone else for that matter to disagree and tell them "no you don't feel that way."

I wouldn't dream of doing this to my spouse. Maybe that is something for you to think about chief.

Ludacris.... and a total DB 101 fail.

[TimeHeals]

If you say so:

Verbal Abuse

From the link provided:

Do this exercise: Complete the sentence, "I feel...." using only one word. Feelings are one word. Like "angry," "depressed," "bad," and so on.
You see, name calling is NOT an expression of feelings. The feeling behind the name calling moment may be anger and it may be understood by your listener from your tone of voice, but you never did express your feeling in plain English, like "I am angry at you." Now, that's an expression of feelings. Besides, even being honestly angry has big-time draw-backs. (See my article on anger to know how to handle it constructively.)

[fisherman]

Veberal abuse?

SSStreeeeeetch.

I missed where he jumped in her face and called her that.

He came here, to express the way he feels.

Which is VALID. Plain and simple.

Have a wonderful day, I don't have the time to go nowhere really fast.

[TimeHeals]

He came here, to express the way he feels.

Which is VALID.

The way he feels, no doubt, is valid. But how does he really feel? Is he angry, depressed, frustrated, sad?

Saying "I feel [you/he/she] is/are a [insert put-down]" is not a feeling.

I can see I have struck a nerve here, and I can see you do not agree, but I didn't make this stuff up. You can ask any good family therapist about this.

[ericmsant2]

Bobby,

My wife was upset because the moving estimate people did not come again.

So she is upset…not your problem. Her problem.

She asked if I had called them and cancelled it. I was surprised as I have no idea who she is using

I wonder why she would say this Bobby…have you done anything in the past that would make her think that you would have cancelled it. Or is she just MLC crazy?

She told me that with the bad weather she was going to still move out without furniture and sleep on the floor if she had to.

IMO – she is saying this to you to make you understand that she is serious about moving. Bobby I think I have mentioned this to you before…right now..in her mind…she is probably done..yet she is confused, so she is going to do thing that make her feel like she is making the right choice. Do not respond to any of these. Keep detaching…keep detaching.

I thought to myself I hope she knew to turn on utilities and internet because she has never lived out on her own or had to set things up.

Please do not offer to help or remind her to do anything. In some cases, this is going to be viewed as controlling or like you do not think she is capable of doing this on her own. If I recall your W was a stay at home mom – correct? If so, then she is probably a lot like mine. The steps that she is taking is to proving something to HERSELF. In order to fuel her fire, she has convinced herself that YOU are the problem. The more you let her go, let her figure this out – the better off you both will be.

Once again Bobby – you cannot fix this. You can fix YOU though.

My lawyer did say that he did not feel the court would agree with her transporting my daughter everyday to catch the school bus when she is moving to another school district.

I my case, I explained to my L that I did not want the D BUT I have learned to listen to what the L says. Right now, my advice would be to listen to the L as long as they are not pushing the D. Another keep piece of advice, STFU – and I mean STFU. Do not mention anything to your W – nothing at all. She want’s to talk about the D, tell her that you are not ready to contribute to the conversation but you are more than willing to listen. Then dude…just listen. Also, start to journal what is going on.

I am just doing my own thing now

Good…very good.

In many ways I feel like I am dealing with a teenage daughter instead of a wife.

Dude I know how you feel. Man do I. They do become teenagers. Did you guys marry at a young age? Does your W know who she is outside of the M? In my case, we married young…my wife missed out on that time in her life where she was suppose to be a freewheeling spirit if you know what I mean. The crisis hit and now she is trying to live that period of her life that she missed. Nothing you can do about it but stay out of the way.

Inspite of this I still very much love her and will hang in there.

Remember this line buddy…you will need to refer back to it in the future. So how much do you love her? Do you love her enough to let her go? Do you love her enough to respect her choice even if they are different than yours? Do you love her enough to do the work on yourself? Many people come here professing their love for their spouse and then things get ugly, then things get really tough and the tendency is to forget this love. Don’t. Not for her…but for YOU.

Bobby…keep posting buddy. BTW it is okay to get angry dude..just not towards HER..come here to vent your anger.

God Bless,
Eric

[fisherman]

Bobby,

I can relate with you as to how you feel about your situation. They do tend to act this way.

Hang in there buddy, Eric gave you some good advice.

Sorry for the mess on your thread earlier.

[Truegritter]

I am ok with someone using a an anology, metaphor or simile to describe their feelings...

Just sayin'

Like sometimes it feels like my W is like a one legged badger backed into a corner.

My W looks nothing like a badger BTW.

Or

Sometimes a I feel like my W is a wounded kangaroo.Looking to box my ears.

She actually likes to be called a kangaroo.
... Well actually a little kangaroo but no harm, no fowl there.

Sometimes I feel like my W acts like a penguin with its butt stuck to the ice.

Now that is fowl but still no harm...that is an upset penguin.

My point?

Hurt animals, act like hurt animals.

MLCers are in pain.

Hurt people, hurt people.

I just used a more descriptive way to tell you how I feel.

KWIM?

Jelly bean?

Hey Trapt...