Welcome to these boards. You will find some incredible support here.
First, you should realize that not everyone has the same ideas as to how to approach this. While this is the MLC board, occasionally, people who are not so supportive of the concept of MLC or the way we approach it around here, will post. That does not mean that they have nothing of value to say, just that occasionally, you will see some very differing opinions.
Around here, we try to focus on looking inward. Becoming a better person ourselves.
That is for multiple reasons.
It takes our focus off of our spouse and our marriage and puts it on ourselves, which is important because the only person we can control in any situation, is ourselves.
Second, hopefully, it creates a situation where any changes you make in yourself, are real and for you, NOT your M. IF you change ONLY to get your H back, the changes will not only not be genuine, they won't last. And you will find yourself back here in the future.
Third, it makes us stronger. IF we get to to the point where our spouses wake up, we need to be the strong one. We need to be the healthy one, because even after they come out of the fog, they have a long, hard, sad road ahead of them. At that point, they will need our support and strength to get through.
No contact, is helpful in detatching. Daily interaction, can be good, if it is good for you both, but if it isn't (and in your case I am not certain), it can be very damaging.
Read the resources. Read the threads in the archives. There are some very good ones. Learn what MLC is, learn it like your life depends on it. Because in some ways, it really does.
Take this time to begin your journey and don't worry about your M or your H. I know it is easier said than done, but you can do it.
And remember, you are not "waiting" for your S to wake up. You are beginning your own journey, your own life. Don't let anyone convince you that you are simply "waiting". If you feel like that is what you are doing, then you are not doing the work on yourself that needs to be done.
Keep posting. Keep asking questions. There is no "quick fix" to this. There is no "magic pill" or anything that is going to make it happen quicker. It will last as long as in needs to. This journey, is a long one. Not a few months long, but a few years long, and it is worth every step. You don't see that now, but you will someday.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
