I can't read the minds of people who I have never met, and have quite a bit of trouble with the people I know. And as I've said before, it doesn't matter why she agreed to go. What matters is that she is going.
I can't read the minds of people who I have never met, and have quite a bit of trouble with the people I know. And as I've said before, it doesn't matter why she agreed to go. What matters is that she is going.
Im not trying to be dick here, or prove a point. However, when it comes to someone that I've read 800+ f'ing posts about the same old patterns, and yet "They" still don't apply the advice given, yeah I feel obligated to say something. Am I going to continue? No. Does it it apply to my post? Not really. I look at my sitch and would give half of my F'ng c#ck to be in in his sitch and I view at as how I would handle it? My answer, a lot differently, but it's not my place. I speak to John with the only knowledge I know. He needs guidance and he's been honest, but there comes a point when you need a crack upside the head. I added my POV. Not to cause controversy but to try and help.
Johns been on the right path several times, it's his choice now. I'll leave this thread from here on...800+ posts is enough.
I will say, John, I want you to save your marriage and I will STILL VIEW your posts. Good luck friend.
No, don't leave. There's room for differing opinions. But I don't see why mine can't be heard.
When I started reading these boards, there were a lot of discussions about things like the meaning of love, or commitment, marriage, or forgiveness. It seems now the conversations are all about strategy. I miss the the conceptual talks.
No, don't leave. There's room for differing opinions. But I don't see why mine can't be heard.
When I started reading these boards, there were a lot of discussions about things like the meaning of love, or commitment, marriage, or forgiveness. It seems now the conversations are all about strategy. I miss the the conceptual talks.
Yours can be heard, Friend. I'm not against you in anyway, but you have to realize that the experience on this board is EXPERIENCE. Things in this life change, don't know if you are biblical person...but there are scriptures that describe our situations...
I want to thank all of you for offering your differing opinions. Really, it helps to see both sides. In fact, I think both of you are right.
FaithnAK - you said you'd give half your c*ck to be in my sitch. I've read lots of other sitch here on this board. Looking at mine, I see now I've got it pretty easy compared to others. Sure, I've got a manipulating W, but she is still working WITH me on a lot of things.
I'm a very detailed list kind of guy. Mostly because I suffer from ADD. I think it is important to list my successes and failures:
Success - Going to Retrouvaille in one week - W admitted that there is small hope for our M - W admitted in a perfect world, we'd be together - Small physical affection, kisses/hugs - When not initiating contact for several days, W pursues heavily and upset while doing so - W still initiates ILY - W still going to MC to "learn how to coparent" but not work on M - MC is a pro-marriage counselor and W likes her. MC also comments "Whatever it takes to get her in the door" Failures - Not sticking with any plan for any amount of time. - Failure to follow through with a plan - W is still able to "lure" me back into R talk and I backslide into it - W is still on D path agenda, seeing mediator for consultation 9/2/10 - I have not fully detached - I say ILY first sometimes - I break emotionally in front of W still - Still fall into old behaviors when being confronted by W with "problems" in our R instead of validating and/or using new tactics - More of the same
PLEASE PLEASE add to this list.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
Headed out to our first informational mediation session, we'll see what happens. She still heading down the D path obviously. Says she doesn't have any evidence that things are going to change so she still has to head down this path.
We'll see what the wind blows in today.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
Reflecting, I think I went TOO dark. I changed gears from 1st to reverse, rather than 1st to 2nd. I went from always available John to cold-distant dark John.
I probably could have acted better on the phone. I gave monosyllable answers to everything. I could have seemed more chipper. But, I was dark not to manipulate her, but I was dark because I really honestly wanted the space and calmness. She was upset and crying because, "I always thought we would be friends and now you don't even want that. I can't understand how you go to always returning my calls to not talking to me at all, even when I call you. It just makes me really sad to lose you as a friend."
What does that say?
In my sitch I think there is a fine line between dark and not-pursuing and being available to her 24/7.
Last edited by john28; 09/02/1005:22 PM.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
