911 Puppy...PLEASE HELP!

[courts0818]

Okay, that example with the "having a plan" and "The Schmuck Factor" were really helpful. This is by far my biggest struggle. Maybe I need to re-read those examples every single day.

I have struggled with this since 2008. Remember when my crazy a$$ was going to head to Chicago and catch H and OW at the hotel? Well...me going off via text messages giving him countless suggestions and berating him - is really similar. It's my attempt to try and stand up for myself, to gain some control, to let him know that I will not be disrespected like this. The more I think about it - almost every single time I have acted like a fool, it has been a knee jerk emotional reaction and all I was trying to do was not be treated like a doormat. IDk any other way to get through to him.

I can't get over it. Without being in his face and verbalizing how I feel, it seems like I'm just avoiding the elephant in the room and as a result, I'm acting like I'm never going to do anything about it. I think I just had a light bulb moment - that truly has been the hardest thing for me. And he might thinking that I will never do anything bc look how freaking long this has gone on. I've been talking about filing for 2 years and then I always come back with the truth...that it's not what I really want.

Plain and simple - when I ignore or don't address the issue at hand I feel like I'm giving him my "permission" or that I'm not going to take a stand and he can do whatever he wants. That I know he’s having sex with OW, but hey it’s okay. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. No matter how much I GAL, focus on other things, etc...this ALWAYS comes back to me. This always eats me up. For example, he's at her house right now and it is EATING ME ALIVE. By not doing anything about it, I feel like I'm acting like its okay. That he can just continue to $hit on me and I'll never stand up for myself. I hate this. What I really want to do is drive to that freakin house and pull him out by his balls. Deep down there is quite a little firecracker inside of me.

I don’t know how to get over this bc its how I truly feel. I can’t change how I feel. And changing how I react to it…I don’t know how to do that. I feel like that’s rolling over and giving up. : (

And in response to the other posts...

Right, I am finally stopping the constant suggestions. I need to let his actions show me what he's truly feeling. I really don't know if he wants to work it out bc I haven't asked him that directly. There's been communication, but I haven't come right out and asked, "Do you want to work on the marriage?" Should I?

PMA, its fine. Trust me, I need tough love.
He doesn't have any stuff left in our house. What he had left, I put in trash bags in our garage and he took that last spring. What's left of "his" is really ours - lawnmower, snowblower, etc..stuff I'm not giving up, bc it's needed here.