WAW left on Independence Day and not communicating

[NotCrackingUp]

Thanks hurtinhartford. My husband has never apologized either, in fact from the day he told me of it, he's said the affair was "all my fault". I was studying and working at the same time for the last two years, I neglected his needs and didn't see he was lonely. That's true, but before I'd started the course, I'd asked him if he agreed, as it would involve late night studying and not much time at home. He'd been enthusiastic at the time. And when he felt the pull to this other woman, he could have sat me down and said he'd a problem. But he never did. I'd have gone through fire for him and still would, he knows it and despises me for it, it would seem.

Strangely, although the idea of the affair hurts so much, especially as I think she's still pulling his strings at present, it's not the worst for me. The worst part is his telling me that it's my fault, refusing to see it hurt me, refusing to come clean even now, when he's left, and totally turning against me.

My only solution is to organise an independent life for myself. But I 'd so much like him to evacuate all that resentment and the "negative feelings" he's showing me at present. He's the one who had an affair. I've said I was wiling to forgive him, but he seems to want to punish me for something, to see me as the cause of all his woes. We have to have contact, because of children, but it hurts because he's defensive, irritable and difficult about everything. I've tried to set boundaries - about money (I've helped him financially set up his flat so he can have the kids to stay, but didn't want him to overdo the expense), about things he's taken from the house. So now, he makes a big thing of showing me every box of matches or spare fuse he takes from here, very sardonically, as though I was the world's meanest person.He doesn't want to divorce, just wants "time" and "freedom", yet if I raise any objection, he raises the divorce flag, and says "I could take half of everything, I'm being generous in leaving you here in the house".

I actually passed the exams I was preparing for last year, and have moved up on the salary scale quite a bit as a result. I did it for me, but also for him and for our family. But now I earn a lot more than he does, and I wonder what part jealousy and hurt pride are playing in all this. I never meant to hurt him, but I'm being made to "pay" through the nose for something.

with regard to your wife, if sheleft because of pain after your affair, maybe that means you're not indifferent to her. I know the idea of my husband making love with someone else and rejecting me is crushing me as a woman, esp as he doesn't seem to care that he's hurt me. I seem to have become no-one for him, and although I love him, I'd prefer not to see him at all if it could be possible. Every time I see his face, the wound opens up, and his coldness and nastiness make it worse. Maybe your wife preferred to be away from a source of hurt? Mind you, I'm no psychologist. Good luck .
NotCrackingUp