dude, being bitter and angry is going to kill you. but that's a choice you make. not me)
That's a great line if he IS bitter and angry still!
See, you'll soon have all the bases covered:
Angry, bitter guy still: see above.
Reflective, sad guy? Don't clobber him.lol. This one is my favorite.lol.
And hardest of all--the "it's all your fault guy".lol. You have to validate that one--not easy at all.
Tell him you own 50% of the problems and he owns 50%. That is the truth and on some level he will know it. Plus your admitting something will get him curious about you.
They want to know what YOU know. Then you tell him that you are sorry for a lot of things and wish there were things you could do differently. Again, he'll be all ears.
You do a lot of leading, but hey--you're used to doing that anyway.
It's a scary conversation to an extent, but I tell you, you won't be sorry to have it--you'll be surprised and find it interesting on many levels. Even to this day I think back to that time. I will have to validate again soon. I have been playing hooky. But really, it's a gift you give them and even though my H thinks he is "done", when I give them those gifts he is far from done with me.lol. You can see it in them--they are "heard" and feel "understood". Validation is a very powerful tool. It's not agreeing with what they say, it's saying you can see how they would think that way.
Yeah, you can see how they got their really messed up way of thinking.lol. But, in a weird way, you CAN.lol.
Yeah, I agree with you--the WAS is almost never so "enlightened".
Let me ask you this: Would you date a guy that left his W? the way your H left you? I know I wouldn't--no way! If I date a guy that has been married, it's going to be one that didn't file and at least tried. A LBS for me or nothing!lol.
(Oh, except for a really adult WAS like I posted about above--one that had a clear plan and clear boundaries)
