Um, this is one person's opinion, and the fact that his W is reading his material....hm...I think he is motivated to put a positive spin on the WAS's mindset.
I've seen it go both ways--there are those that got better than their S's and then gave them the ultimatum. They did it in a very adult way--that this is the goal, this is what I am doing to work on me, come join me in reaching the goal of better communication, sex, etc, and I love you and WANT you to reach this goal with me--it will be painful to me to let you go, etc but if you refuse I have to move on (healthy boundary).
So I see that you agree that most of the WAS's do it in a very cowardly way. I totally agree. Most of it is NOT done like the above.
However, most do not have the tools to do it correctly. Do you see shows on television that help you figure this out? Do friends/colleagues/co-workers know how to do this? No. And a man is going to have even less chance to figure it out.
(btw, *I* don't necessarily think you had an EA, but I know Allen's opinion, and he feels that if you talk to a member of the opposite sex about your marriage problems, that is a BIG no no and you have just had an EA yourself!) And you know, *I* personally would have a HUMUNGOUS problem if my H was talking to a female colleague right now--and on some level he knows it because he keeps assuring me that he tells NO ONE at work about all this. He says he doesn't even discuss much with his idiot D'd and remarried friend who completely screwed over his first family and is on to family #2.
So his only outlet is his parents! Which I'm completely fine with!! Of course they are biased--so what? It's not another woman--that is all I care about.
Yeah, listen, I like a lot of what Coach says, but I think he has to be careful too. I know I wouldn't be posting the same if my H suddenly "saw the light" and was on here as well...
