I am already in step 2b, I think. He is out of the house, free to do what he chooses. I learned he is looking for an apartment. We do not speak except about the kids usually via text (my choice). Should I try to pursue a friendship with him, so that he can see how great I am (wink, wink)? Or just try to be patient?
You're not fully understanding what "2b" is. Go read Gucci's thread, if you haven't begun to already. The distinction you're missing is, "Just because you're dark, doesn't mean he necessarily knows you're 'letting him go'." You could just be FRIGHTENED, for instance, or a classic conflict-avoider, or possibly being dark because you don't want him to see you upset, etc. There are a bunch of different reasons why HE might think you are dark, if you've never given him the "letting him go" speech.
No, do not try to pursue a friendship with him. Be CIVIL, and let him see you (or hear about you) interacting with OTHERS positively, wonderfully, etc. But if you do that with HIM, he'll see it as condoning his affair, and he'll just cake-eat, going back and forth between you and OW to get his needs met.
Again, the above two approaches are the only things I've ever seen work.
