Here's a story...of a very sad lady

[Dagny-2]

Very interesting twist to the drama I call my life.

But first, journaling about last day or so: H came over last night to be with the boys. He wanted to sit and confirm schedules; he then wanted to talk about divorce and money, I listened and didn't say anything. He backtracked an earlier hardline stance he had taken with me. He knew I wanted to say something, asked me twice, what I really wanted to say is "I want a hug", but I knew that was so wrong, and I knew I was lingering too long, so I left, didn't say where I was going, just leaving to give H time with the boys. H did say I looked nice, I only said thank you. So, could have been better with getting out of the house quicker, but at least did not say any needy statements.

So the twist to my life; I stated before that one of my fears is money, huge, huge fear. I do have an idea of what he will have to pay in child support, but since H makes 3x what I make, my and my childrens' standard of living will decrease dramatically. Today at work (I work remotely and travel to office 1 week a month), there was an unexpected announcement of an employee leaving. I talked to my boss and if I would move back home, the job would be mine. Work knows nothing about my separation with H. I know one of the issues in our M was my reluctance to move, apart from staying here being in the kids' best interest and my belief that I can't DB from 1000 miles away, was my thought that staying here proves that I am committed to this M. This just adds another level to a decision I will have to make at some point.

Dagny