I know it is a VERY natural thought process to say "well, I could have been a better <insert line item here>" but really, everybody could be better at *something*, ya know?
WAS are very, very deficient people. And it's VERY easy to let their deficient mind rub off on us. I know you were a WAS but IIRC you did not just up and leave one day... you gave your H ample time to work on the marriage before you left.
When infidelity is involved it can make you (general you) question every fiber of your being. It can make you feel like less of a woman in every way. The LBS is feeling the lowest of the low and the WAS is feeling the highest of highs - it's a wicked combination and one that is not suited for communication of any sort.
Somehow though you have to power through it each day. It's a terrible, terribly burden FOR NOW but eventually it won't be so present. That is not to say you won't think of your H or be sad or have hard days but the immediate searing pain converts to wisdom of sorts.
I still cry! It's okay to cry. It's okay to be sad and it's okay to feel whatever you need to feel. Each day gives us an amazing opportunity to try again!
