Interesting that she's so into making dinner now. She does like having family dinners, but is always scared I won't like her cooking, and assumes that. Probably nothing. Now if I come home and she's cooking dinner in her lingerie, even 'ole Pinhead will get the message.
I get what you are saying to PH, but can we just discount the fact that the woman who said she was not attracted to him just had sex with him? That could be a non-event or a major change in the dynamic. How can you tell the difference?
I've always believed that for most women, sex is never just sex. But I'm Pinhead.
read your own quote line, you've always believed that for most women, sex is never just sex, is it possible you are wrong in this idea too?
PH I will tell you that women enjoy sex just for sex just as much as men and it doesn't always involve a heart felt emotional connection - sometimes it's just raw animal sex and that's it. Reading more into is just you searching for something that may not be there.
If I were you, I would just consider it sex and nothing more and leave it at that, assuming more will only leave you feeling even more let down.
I've always believed that for most women, sex is never just sex. But I'm Pinhead.
read your own quote line, you've always believed that for most women, sex is never just sex, is it possible you are wrong in this idea too?
PH I will tell you that women enjoy sex just for sex just as much as men and it doesn't always involve a heart felt emotional connection - sometimes it's just raw animal sex and that's it. Reading more into is just you searching for something that may not be there.
If I were you, I would just consider it sex and nothing more and leave it at that, assuming more will only leave you feeling even more let down.
Hold up, now, this is important. The question is not whether or not the sex was any more meaningful than having sex. The question is whether or not the fact that she had sex with him has significance in relation to her statement that she had lost her attraction to him. This happens in a lot of our sitches and it can freak out a WAW. They think once they've lost the attraction they can't get it back. The fact that she had it back, even for a moment, may undermine part of the basis for her walking away and that may be something to build on.
Now, it may be that the WAW is incapable of that kind of insight, but if they ever come around certainly something like this can be a step towards reaching the tipping point.
Not trying to get your hopes up, Pin. I just think this merits more discussion if only to get more understanding.
so she couldn't have sex with him just to satisfy herself?
was attraction a requirement for sex to happen in this situation?
maybe, just maybe, she was horny for sex, she's had sex with him the past, she may have remembered that it was good sex and that since he was available, why not take advantage of that fact and have sex? PH wants his wife back, she knows this, she keeps him at a distance, for what it's worth, she's in control here, that mindset satisfies her ego quite a bit, she likes being in control, maybe she had sex with PH to screw with his mind as well as his body, so many what if's....
again my point in all of this was reading too much into it and making yourself ask a ton of questions that you will never really know the answers to unless she's here and speaks truthfully about what happened.
There is a children's book by Shel Silverstein that goes like this:
And as it rolled along it sang this song- "Oh I'm lookin' for my missin' piece I'm lookin' for my missin' piece Hi-dee-ho, here I go, Lookin' for my missin' piece"
Sometimes it baked in the sun
but then the cool rain would come down.
And sometimes it was frozen by the snow but then the sun would come and warm it again.
And because it was missing a piece it could not roll very fast so it would stop to talk to a worm
Originally Posted By: robx
so many what if's....
again my point in all of this was reading too much into it and making yourself ask a ton of questions that you will never really know the answers to unless she's here and speaks truthfully about what happened.
yet believe none of what they say and half of what they do
or in the words of Bill Murray "IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER!"
there is too much stopping to talk to worms. too much analyzing. way too much co-dependent behavior. whats the missing piece? a backup plan.
these things work so much better when the backup plan is set into motion way before the bomb, when there is a potential piece on the side, when they don't really know where you are going or what you are doing, when they are analyzing everything you say and do and going back and forth as to whether they should believe it or not.
the other night was the perfect betty crocker with a side of martha. letting her call your bluff then following up with flowers. nice. i would throw in a slice of oprah and take her out for cake.
Let her continue to think she is the cake eater.
It will buy you significant time. Time to come up with a plan.
Originally Posted By: pinhead
There is no backup plan.
Shame. Shame. Shame. You can't just keep pulling the loaf out of the oven each and every time you want some poon tang.
Originally Posted By: gucci loafer
Let's both move on. I am not sure what I feel about you anymore now either. I don't know why I haven't seen this before. I get it now."
THEN follow through on that..
that might have been your only piece with that line. Especially if you would have told her sex with you is a mistake.
how are you going to follow through?
get rid of the dog? help her look for apartments you can't afford? passive/aggressive behavior?
to be honest those are some pretty lame attempts.
Here is how its done. Before you say its time to move on. You have a place to move to and significant cash saved up. These apartments you are surveying should be for you. Two bedrooms and an office over looking the lake. Easy access to downtown and covered parking would be nice too. Realize there is an auditorium full of 'social interactions' waiting right outside your door. Learning how to talk to them will help you realize there is more to an relationship then finding the right counselor. Or realize, "it just doesn't matter."
Crumbs and mystery fruitcake. You should know a lot about those. Leave enough crumbs to let them think they can get control of the situation, but leave them also wondering what day does the cleaning lady come.
Leave them wondering if you are coming or going. He wants to separate. He wants to go to marriage counseling. He wants to separate. He's sending me flowers. What does this mean? What am I doing wrong? If I keep giving him sex will things work out?
So, you set the back-up plan into motion a little late. It's OK. The piece bumped along a long time before it found the right combination.
these things work so much better when the backup plan is set into motion way before the bomb, when there is a potential piece on the side, when they don't really know where you are going or what you are doing, when they are analyzing everything you say and do and going back and forth as to whether they should believe it or not.
the other night was the perfect betty crocker with a side of martha. letting her call your bluff then following up with flowers. nice. i would throw in a slice of oprah and take her out for cake.
Let her continue to think she is the cake eater.
Especially if you would have told her sex with you is a mistake.
Luckily I had time to pull my head out before doing further damage.
Originally Posted By: Steve McQueen
Here is how its done. Before you say its time to move on. You have a place to move to and significant cash saved up. These apartments you are surveying should be for you. Two bedrooms and an office over looking the lake. Easy access to downtown and covered parking would be nice too. Realize there is an auditorium full of 'social interactions' waiting right outside your door. Learning how to talk to them will help you realize there is more to an relationship then finding the right counselor. Or realize, "it just doesn't matter."
Crumbs and mystery fruitcake. You should know a lot about those. Leave enough crumbs to let them think they can get control of the situation, but leave them also wondering what day does the cleaning lady come.
Leave them wondering if you are coming or going. He wants to separate. He wants to go to marriage counseling. He wants to separate. He's sending me flowers. What does this mean? What am I doing wrong? If I keep giving him sex will things work out?
Hell, if I've done anything right, it's to thoroughly confuse her. She even said last night that she feels like she's been put through a blender.
Originally Posted By: Steve McQueen
So, you set the back-up plan into motion a little late. It's OK. The piece bumped along a long time before it found the right combination.
You just told her you want separate again. Again.
Again. You must follow through.
She's insistent that she can work on this. That she's trying to make it work. That counseling has been very tough for her, but she feels like she's learning a lot about herself and us.
I've told her I'm not so sure, that she's had her one foot in and the other out the door the entire time. That I need time to think about us and if things can really improve. That "hoping" and "praying" aren't a plan.
I worry about moving out in terms of custody. Everyone tells me that's a bad idea; but I might have to. The sad thing for both of us is that I'm the "strong" one. And y'all know how pathetic that is considering my actions.
