New to this Community seeking advice

[john28]

Yesterday I was involved in a death notification. Six of our soldiers died in AFG. It's hard to knock on that door and tell the spouse her husband died. I've knocked on 16 doors so far. I've seen too many wives and kids with their lives shattered.

Ouch, JR. I'm sure that puts life into perspective. I can't imagine what it is like to do that. So, what is it like to do that? That hurts me to think about.

[JR09]

Hi John,

It is very taxing mentally and emotionally. Once I get out of the car with the other Soldier who accompanies me, every step to the door is a one way trip. No do-overs. Whatever we'll say will shatter lives forever. So we have to get it right and do it with honor, dignity and a whole lot of compassion. We do our crying before or after the notification. No crying with the spouse. At least that's how I do it.

I hope no one will ever knock on my W's door...

JR

[MichelleLT]

I was on the honor guard for one of my buddies. That pretty much sucked.

I can't imagine being the one to tell them though. That has to be worse.

When my XH was deployed I used to have nightmares about that. Guess that's one good thing about being D lol.

Or in your case, getting close to retirement.

Those kinds of things definitely make me appreciate my friends and family. They make me want to hug my loved ones too.

[JR09]

I am leaving tomorrow evening to see the boys again. Called them yesterday. They are excited. And so am I. Hopefully my W will agree to let me have the boys FRI afternoon or evening then return them SUN.

So far so good. W was very accomodating and didn't object to my coming up to see the boys, so I can only hope for the best...
More to follow...

JR

[MichelleLT]

That's awesome!!!!!!!

Have a great weekend!

I'm so glad to see that your W is slowly coming around. You having unsupervised time with the boys, especially on short notice, is definite evidence that you are earning back her trust, at least where the kids are concerned!

Have a great weekend with your boys no matter what.

[JR09]

Michelle,

THANKS for ALL the encouragement. I hope you are doing well. I'll keep posting of course...

JR

[JR09]

Drove 10 hrs before I bedded down for the night. Another 5 hrs tomorrow to go. Called the boys to tell them I was on the road. They are excited. W also wanted to talk to me about my arrival time. She apologized for not telling me that she won't be able to have the boys meet me sooner than 5PM because of school and sports practice.

I asked her how to get to the boys' school so I can also be there for practice. She didn't expect that . Sounded a bit overtaken but didn't make a fuss about it. She already had the boys packing when I called.

More to follow tomorrow.

JR

[pinhead]

I bet you're excited! Enjoy the time with your sons.

[MichelleLT]

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOVE that you said you'd be there at the boy's school. Just love it.

You are doing some great things to mix it up LOL.

Have a great weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!

[JR09]

Well, here I am in ID. I called W and told her I'd meet her at the boys' school. She said she already pulled the boys early from school and was already on her way to our rendez-vous point. That was nice, I thought...W went out of her way to make sure I maximize my time with the boys...So I never got to the school but I got the boys 3hrs ahead of schedule...Not bad.

The Boys and I have a blast together. Tomorrow is SUN and I'm not sure when is my W expecting them back. I just plan on keeping them til 6PM, then drive back right away towards CO. Let's see how W will react to this plan...Maybe she wants them earlier, I don't know...Well,I'll do my best to keep the boys til 6PM.

JR