It's been a few days and I haven't posted much so just a brief update. The last few days have been kinda nuts, some personal issues, some legal issues, some bitching from STBXW about the health insurance, some work stuff. When it rains it pours...
I met someone recently who was very open and honest about stuff from the begining and I could sense some future possibilities or at least a small hope of some type of future possibilities. Then something silly sent the whole thing into a downward spiral and it seems too far gone to even try to save it.
Legally things are moving forward and it's all overwhelming, I stand to lose a lot of what I worked so hard for. It's one thing to lose it to her it's another to lose it to the lawyers. They sent me an ivoice and a letter asking that I fund my case with another $10k so they can prepare for litigation...ugh! so I talked to the head honcho there and asked him to reevaluate how they're charging me because the case has barely made any progress and so far everything's gone in her favor.
STBXW called me yesterday on my way in to work- she never calls me really so I answered thinking it was some emergency. She started bitching about how I didn't tell her about the health insurance change etc. I told her I did and I just got the new cards this weekend which are already in DD's cubby at school for her to pick up. She felt kinda silly...then I asked her 'anything else?' she fumbled and said 'what are you doing about Fri, you never got back to me, DD's off that day'. I told her I'd bring her to work with me. She then tried to be nice and said 'you're going to bring her ALL the way to your work? why don't I bring her to my work and maybe you can do a half day or something'. I said 'well ALL the way or not, it's where I work and I can't take the day off so I don't have another choice'. She said 'well like I said I can bring her to my work'...well ok if she really wanted to do that then why send me that first text saying if I could take the day off to keep her since she took the day off when DD was sick. So I told her 'no, it's my day and I'll manage it, just have her ready by 7AM and I'll pick her up'. I told her I'd send her whatever insurance info I have and hung up. I sent her the info via email saying 'hope this helps'. Her response was 'it would've helped me had I known the mere start date of this plan'. So I wrote back 'And it would've helped if you'd told me you secretly decided not to get your own damn health insurance and let your open enrollment lapse. At least I was honest enough to give you a heads up and carry your insurance on my dime like everything else.'
Sigh! life happens.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Ugh! How annoying, Romeo! And 10K??? That is absurd! Sorry to hear about these crazy events but just think of them as one step closer to the finality (and relief) of it all.
She is trying to bait you with the "I would have helped if..." DO NOT bite. It's not worth it. Be the 3 Cs...cool, calm, collected. You soun like a good dad.
If you made your W an offer to settle and she declined the offer then you should not be responsible for any further legal fees. Did the court deny you the petition for legal fees? If so, why?
Unfortunately at our ages the courts are usually not concerned with the hardships of retirement as we are young enough to work for some time to come. I'm not saying I agree or disagree with that but in my own case that is what we were told.
I don't find the 10K that absurd (well, to you it is because it is your money but in general that sounds about right to me based on my own experience) but I do find it absurd that your attny has not provided you with a VERY clear strategic outline with alternative plans.
I might consider asking what exactly litigation will entail. The trial will last one day and all the prep work (discovery and such) has been done according to the info you posted. Since you no longer will be negotiating there should be no further communication between the attnys. Basically they are telling you 10K for one day of work (minus a few minor expenses here and there).
It's been a few days and I haven't posted much so just a brief update. The last few days have been kinda nuts, some personal issues, some legal issues, some bitching from STBXW about the health insurance, some work stuff. When it rains it pours...
I met someone recently who was very open and honest about stuff from the begining and I could sense some future possibilities or at least a small hope of some type of future possibilities. Then something silly sent the whole thing into a downward spiral and it seems too far gone to even try to save it.
Try not to get too down- easier said than done, I know. But like with DB giving 2nd chances, you never know what might happen if you kind of back away, focus on yourelf and see if they come around. All may not be lost... It's so hard to focus on new emotional relationships for all of us right now, I think- it's appealing to form one but everything is still so new and confusing (at least to me)...
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Legally things are moving forward and it's all overwhelming, I stand to lose a lot of what I worked so hard for. It's one thing to lose it to her it's another to lose it to the lawyers. They sent me an ivoice and a letter asking that I fund my case with another $10k so they can prepare for litigation...ugh! so I talked to the head honcho there and asked him to reevaluate how they're charging me because the case has barely made any progress and so far everything's gone in her favor.
Yikes. I agree with the call to the L to say WTF are you doing for me that costs $10K b/c I might as well keep my $ and give 1/2 of that retainer to her or something the way this is going. I'm scared of this, too. It sucks!
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STBXW called me yesterday on my way in to work- she never calls me really so I answered thinking it was some emergency. She started bitching about how I didn't tell her about the health insurance change etc. I told her I did and I just got the new cards this weekend which are already in DD's cubby at school for her to pick up. She felt kinda silly...then I asked her 'anything else?' she fumbled and said 'what are you doing about Fri, you never got back to me, DD's off that day'. I told her I'd bring her to work with me. She then tried to be nice and said 'you're going to bring her ALL the way to your work? why don't I bring her to my work and maybe you can do a half day or something'. I said 'well ALL the way or not, it's where I work and I can't take the day off so I don't have another choice'. She said 'well like I said I can bring her to my work'...well ok if she really wanted to do that then why send me that first text saying if I could take the day off to keep her since she took the day off when DD was sick. So I told her 'no, it's my day and I'll manage it, just have her ready by 7AM and I'll pick her up'. I told her I'd send her whatever insurance info I have and hung up. I sent her the info via email saying 'hope this helps'. Her response was 'it would've helped me had I known the mere start date of this plan'. So I wrote back 'And it would've helped if you'd told me you secretly decided not to get your own damn health insurance and let your open enrollment lapse. At least I was honest enough to give you a heads up and carry your insurance on my dime like everything else.'
Sigh! life happens.
What the hell is her problem, anyway? Jeez, make up your mind, woman. She is jerking you around. Sounds like you guys got into a "snipe" (my noun for me and H sniping childishly at each other, which I try to avoid, but it's really hard when they start it!) that you may want to try to avoid just so she doesn't get to you too much, but in your shoes, I would probably have responded the same way .
Where is she coming up with the $ for her L? I thought she had none except what you'll be paying her. Does she have family help? I know it's kind of late in the game, but is it at all possible to say to her: look, do you want to each spend $10K more on Ls or should we save our money and try to work it out ourselves? I don't know if that's possible but it might be worth a shot...
hang in there and keep posting-- (sorry I didn't respond to your last email- but you kind of see my response within this one )
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
Sol, you're right and as luck would have it I noticed I never did hit send on the email I'd composed to her yesterday. It was saved as a draft. So I rewrote it with a one line of 'just the facts' and sent that off. I really wanted to rip into her but probably not worth it.
CG, the lawyers think my offer is going to get rejected and we'll have to go to litigation. Courts usually look at the 'ability to pay' on these sort of things but it's possible to make a case for 'hey we wanted to avoid legal costs so we offered her x butshe didn't take it'. You made a good point about the trial only lasting a day. I was assuming it could drag on for days and weeks...like the session will adjourn and re-convene etc...I guess they exaggerate it in the movies lol
Alice, your words are always very comforting, thanks! Well with the support payments I'm making if she's saving up she should have no problem paying for her lawyer but she did ask me to pay a certain amount she'd owed to her lawyer through the community funds. Also her lawyer is not as expensive as mine...yet her's is shrewed and a snake lawyer it seems. Talking to her is no better than going through the lawyers in my mind because she feels entitled to way too much and it won't be worth even discussing all that. Yeah it sucks the lawyers are making money off of our sad situations but this is how it works.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Most "divorce trials" take less than a few hours (at best) unless you are dealing with issues far more than what you (or me for that matter) have in front of you.
Mine lasted 20 minutes for the Agreement but it's the same process as a divorce in this state.
As the client if you want an offer sent then your counsel should send it. It would at least show you *did* make one final effort AND accept the legal fees. It's curious your attnys did not want to do that.
Hang in there Romeo! It cost me $5,000 for a SA which involved no court expenses at all. Btw, how's your Dad, you mentioned some health issue involving him?
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