Sorry you're feeling so ... alone. That's what I hated about Piecing: sometimes things seemed to flow so much better between us, and then H would go into another period of navel-gazing and it would feel as though he'd gone back to his you-don't-matter Replay behaviour. Really, these were necessary periods, because during them he finally assessed his whole behaviour during the EA, figured out what a good relationship looked like, etc.
But for myself, I found the best way of handling them was to remind myself that I'd learned I could be fine on my own, so if he never became an equal partner again, I could leave the M feeling proud of how hard I'd tried to make it work, and proud of the dignity I'd shown and changes I'd made. Then, I devoted myself to whatever needed doing ... and he'd come looking for me when he was ready.
I don't know whether your H has reached the point where he truly is working on himself, but since he is going to a C, likely he is making progress. With luck, he'll reach a point where his internal growth can be manifested in his words and actions. It does take LONGER for the selfishness of the MLCer to wear off than you would ever believe possible, even after they do come back, so I hope he is still moving along in his healing.
Hugs for you, Kissak. I remember parts of Piecing as being so hard that I wondered whether I was going to sink into my own depression. You've discovered your own strength in this whole process, however, so I know you're going to be fine.
