My New LBS Reality

[PEI]

I had to own up to my own things - behaviors he perceived as disrespectful or destructive. I have worked hard and changed a lot of these things over the past 3 years. I have done a lot of work - made noticeable changes that friends and family acknowledge. I sit here today probably more deeply devastated because of that work I did. I have NO regrets about those changes and I feel good about the sacrifices I made to stay in my M. Maybe that's why I'm struggling so much with the mirror. Where do I go now?

I know that others have already addressed this, but it jumped out at me and I wanted to post ... sweetie, that wasn't a mirror. It was a window, a window through which you saw him looking at you. Did you perceive those behaviours as disrespectful or destructive? To him, to yourself? What behaviours would you want to change for you? Why does it matter to you that friends and family have acknowedged those changes?

Do you really have NO regrets about the changes, if so, why are you even more deeply devastated? Why did you feel like you had to make sacrifices to stay in your M?

Irish, you ask "where do I go now?" ... and I would agree with Brooklyn, take some time to be still. Just be.

Then, when you are ready, I would suggest holding that mirror up, when no one else is around, when you are truly alone and starting to look really deep. REALLY look at Irish, the woman ... not Irish the wife, not Irish the mother, not Irish the daughter, not Irish the good catholic ... Irish the woman, the individual. WHO is she? WHO does she want to be? WHAT does she believe about herself? WHAT does she know about herself? WHAT is her truth? WHAT does she want for herself? These are hard questions, for everyone, but incredibly hard for guilt-ridden catholic mothers who haven't thought about themselves in years, if ever.

If it were me, I'd probably start here ...

I was neglected as a child

What internal dialogue have you been listening to for your entire adult life as a result of this? Dig deep Irish. Really feel as you go through this. It hurts sweetie, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it. You will re-live every piece of the hurt as you dredge up those buried skeletons. You no longer need to be defined by the actions of others. You are not that neglected child, you were always more important that that, just because you were YOU. You deserve to be loved because you are YOU, just the way you are without bending over backwards and busting your ass to prove your worthiness. Sweetie ... DIG.

You can do it. We believe in you.

Peace
PEI